Esme Cullen: 1911-1925
by angel.watson
Summary: This is the story of Esme's life before she met Carlisle and after, the beginning years as a vampire.
1. My First Love

**The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer but the story is my own.**

I sat in my swing watching the clouds swirl and sway creating so many different shapes in the sky. I spotted a deer, a rabbit, a dragon and a horse. They stayed only for a few seconds before they disappeared. This was peace, something that I didn't get very often anymore. It seemed that the older I got the more responsibilities I had to making myself the best woman I could be. At the young age of sixteen, I still wanted to be free. I highly enjoyed school and dreamt of becoming a school teacher upon graduation. To be able to mold the minds of children and teach them the joy of learning that I had, would be simply amazing.

"Esme!" My mothers voice broke through my thoughts and told me that it was supper time. I quickly hopped to the ground and began to walk down the small slope towards my home.

It was not a large home, but it was a home in everyway. Father had built it with his own two hands and tried to make it as close to Mother's dream house as he could. There was a beautiful light blue picket fence that enclosed the front of the house. Mother had always loved roses and she had planted two bushes next to the gate and two bushes next to the door step. A wrap around deck covered the front and left side of the house, with a beautiful swing. The door was the same light blue as the fence and added a burst of color against the all white building. A picture window adorned the right side of the front of the house and showed a beautiful living room with a large fireplace. The kitchen was the room that Father had spent the most time on. It had hand carved cupboards with a rose adorning each one. The stove was top of the line as was the fridge. Mother spent much of her days in here singing and cooking away the time. My room was on the top floor at the back. It overlooked the rolling hills and I spent much of my time daydreaming away. I was not big on possessions but I did adore books. Reading allowed me to experience adventures that I could only dream about. Mother did not always approve of my having my nose in a book but Father saw no harm in it. He would sometimes sneak books home to me when Mother's back was turned.

"Get your head out of the clouds and hurry up!" I made a face that I knew Mother couldn't see then hurried inside. I quickly whipped my boots on the mat before slipping them off and placing them on the shoe wrack.

Father was already seated at the table and I made sure to ash my hands before taking my place. Mother brought over a large pot of her home made stew and Father rubbed his hands together. After pouring each of us our portion she took her place and looked to Father. He nodded and bowed his head.

"Dear God, we thank you for this bountiful meal that you have set before us. Thank you for guiding us each and everyday in all that we do. Amen."

We ate in silence, as we did every meal. Mother always taught me that idle talk was evil and there was nothing to say after a long day. Shortly after we finished eating I was dismissed to my room to complete my homework and go to bed. As I closed the door behind me, I could hear the radio as Father was listening to his evening broadcast. Mother had most likely finished the dishes and was doing knitting or needle work.

I had finished my homework as soon as I had gotten home, so I had some time to myself. I wanted to finish the Charles Dickens book that I had started and figured that I could get a few chapters in before bed time.

…

The birds nest was halfway up the tree but I could hear the babies chirping from down here. The mother Robin was dead at the base of the tree, most likely mauled by a cat from the look of things. I knew that there was little I could do for the babies but I had to try. Damn this skirt! I grabbed one side and tucked it into the waist, needing all the movement I could get. I placed one foot onto the root that was sticking out of the ground and half jumped, grabbing the closet branch. Using all my strength, I half walked up the trunk until I could reach the next branch. I was glad Mother was not outside as she would be furious that I dared showed my undergarments even though no one was around.

Taking in a deep breath, I jumped slightly, reaching for the next branch. And missed. I felt my fingers brush the bark and then I was falling. I screamed and the smashed into the ground with a sickening crunch. My leg was trapped beneath me.

Mother came running out of the house in time to see me hit the ground. She gathered her skirts into her hands and came running over. I couldn't help but cry as the pain began to be the only thing I could focus on. Mother dropped to her knees next to me and flayed about, not sure what to do.

"I'm so sorry Mom. My leg." I grabbed onto her arm for support, needing her more than ever. She didn't say a word, simply kissed my head and helped me stand. The pain was excruciating and I felt the world begin to sway.

Mother wrapped one arm around my shoulders, the other holding my hand, allowing me to squeeze whenever I needed. Slowly, every step carefully placed, we began to work our way to the car. Father had decided to bike to work today and I was never so glad. Taxi's cost money we didn't have and I knew a trip to the hospital would be expensive enough. Our family doctor was currently out of town so we had no other choice.

She opened the door, leaving me for only a second then guided me into the seat. She reached down and gently placed my broken leg inside, before buckling the seatbelt around me. She gave me another kiss then closed the door and hurried to the other side. She quickly climbed in, starting the car.

"Shhh sweetie. Just you hang on, Momma's here." She reached over and squeezed my hand before taking the wheel with both. She carefully backed out of the driveway, making sure to hit as few bumps as she could. I clutched the seat, squeezing it every time the car jolted but I knew that the pain was only temporary.

It took us fifteen minutes to get to the hospital, the longest fifteen minutes of my life. Mother parked the car then hurried inside to grab a wheel chair so I wouldn't have to walk. Together, we got me out of the car and seat with little pain, although I was not looking forward to whatever had to be done. Mother wheeled me inside and walked straight up to the receptionist.

"How can we help you today?" The lady smiled at Mother before looking over the counter at me.

"My daughter fell out of a tree and we think her leg is broken." Mother was still holding one of my hands, while carrying herself with a sense of pride.

"Oh dear! Well we will get you right in. Dr. Cullen is in today and will be with you shortly." The nurse led us to a curtained off section of the patient area. She helped Mother life me onto the table and then left to get the doctor.

I leaned back and rested my head on the pillow closing my eyes. All I had wanted to do was save those baby birds and yet I had ended up hurting myself. Mother must be so disappointed in me. Yet she was remaining rather calm. She kept rubbing circles on the back of my hand and humming hymns to me as we waited. Within moments the curtain moved to the side and the doctor stepped through.

My breath was stolen from me as I opened my eyes and looked at him. He was the most beautiful, yes beautiful, man that I had ever seen. His eyes were a stunning golden color that sparkled with compassion. His blond hair fell neatly around his pale face. He was simply stunning to behold.

"Now then, the nurse told me you think you broke your leg. Which one?" I pointed to the left, holding Mother's hand in case it hurt. Instead his cool hands gently touched my skin, just lightly pressing down when they needed to. After several moments he nodded. "I am afraid so, Miss?"

"Esme. Esme Pratt." I smiled at him as he beckoned to a nurse. He whispered instructions to her then turned his attention back to me.

"Now if I may ask, how did you break it?" He placed the stethoscope into his ears and gently placed the other end against my chest.

"Well there was a bird's nest in the tree. I could hear the babies crying and had found the mother dead. I was trying to rescue them." I felt myself blushing at my stupidity and looked down at my lap.

"Well I think that was an honorable thing for you to do. I am quite sorry that you had to fall before achieving your rescue attempt." He smiled again as the nurse returned and he set to work fixing my leg.

Within an hour, he had it all set and bandaged. He gave mother a prescription and instructions then knelt down in front of me.

"Hang on to the compassion Miss Esme. It sets you apart from all those around you." He took my hand in his and kissed it before continuing with his duties.

Mother paid the hospital and got me into the car. While she was filling the prescription I couldn't stop thinking about Dr. Cullen. He had been so kind and wonderful to me. Not once had he assumed I was some stupid careless young woman, but rather he had seen straight through me. He was the perfect gentleman, the type of man that I wanted to marry when I was ready to settle down.

Upon returning home, I was immediately sent to bed to rest. Mother gave me the pain medication and a cup of tea the went about her daily routine. I knew that I was lucky to escape a scolding from her and did not want to push my luck. Instead I lay back and closed my eyes, wanting to sleep and get away from the pain.

I dreamt of him that night and many nights after. His golden eyes were always filled with compassion and hope. A hope that I might meet him again and perhaps learn more about him. His kindness stayed with me every day of my remaining teenage years and I yearned to find a man just like him. Sometimes I would even dream of his cool touch, reminding me that even through pain there was still good. Through out this, one could say that I fell in love with Dr. Carlisle Cullen even though I never saw him again.


	2. Wedding

**The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer but the story is my own.**

The chirping of the morning birds roused me from another dream about Dr. Cullen. A sigh escaped me as I rolled over and my wedding dress came into view. Today was my wedding day. It should be the most wonderful day of my life, next to the birth of my children, yet there was a pit beginning in my stomach. I stared at the simple dress that Mother had picked out for me. It was a vibrant white with lace over the arms and chest area. She had made sure that it was conservative, telling me that a virgin bride should never show any skin. Honestly, I hated it.

The dress that I had wanted had been sleeveless but that had been too scandalous. So here I was, stuck with a doily for a dress. A small giggle escaped me at the thought as I slipped from under the covers. The air was already warming even though the sun had only been up for an hour. Butterflies were already filling my stomach, threatening to become a flurry of hornets. I wanted nothing more than to run from this, but I had promised Charles I would marry him and I had to keep that promise.

At least that was the way that Mother put it. I had tried to inform her that I wanted to move out West and teach for a few years, but they would not hear it. Mother said that I was better off accepting a husband here, where I was close to home. Where I could safely start a family. I looked into the idea of leaving several times but with no money I had nowhere to go. So I finally let go when I was twenty, after working at a dress shop for two years to try and scrounge enough savings together. Yet the money never seemed to be enough. So I had finally gone to Mother and agreed.

Of course she had been planning behind my back, just waiting for me to come and tell her that I was willing to be married. She had found a young man, respectable in all ways and with an excellent job to boot. He had already purchased a house and was looking at buying a car next. At the age of twenty-six, Charles Evenson was the perfect match. In terms of looks, Charles was as handsome as they came. He had bright blue eyes with beautiful blond hair that he kept neatly trimmed. It wasn't nearly as beautifully blond as Dr. Cullen's but it was as close as I could dream of getting. He wore a simple beard, kept it short and clean. While I disliked a man with a beard, it had grown on me as we courted.

He was completely approved by Mother and Father so it did not come as a surprise when he asked me to marry him after only a few months of dating. At that point, I had had several suitors but none had been deemed husband material until Charles. So here I was, preparing to marry a man that I didn't love, just to make my family happy.

Mother had already drawn a bath and I could smell the rose water she had added from the doorway of my room. I had to take several steadying breaths before I found the courage to walk down the hall. I knew that the longer I stalled the more impatient Mother would get and that there was no way I could make her upset today.

I slipped off my nightdress and hung it up. I gently touched the water, finding that it had already cooled slightly. I slide in and made sure to wash as fast as I could, rinsing my hair with the pitcher of fresh water. I dried myself and hurried back to my room wrapped in nothing but the towel. Mother was already waiting in my room.

"Oh Esme I just knew that this day would come! I am so proud of my baby girl!" She grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me on both cheeks before pulling me into her arms. I tried to smile but the butterflies had long since turned to hornets and all I wanted to do was throw up. Why on earth was I feeling such fear at marrying this man?

"Yes Momma. Now let me dress!" I shooed her from the room and turned to survey the undergarments she had lain out on the bed.

With slight disgust, I slid into the lacy items, making sure to tighten the corset just enough so I could breathe properly. I wrapped myself in the white house coat that Mother had left then went downstairs where Mother had the hairdresser waiting.

I simply smiled at them as I took my seat, not interested in conversation. I declined all food but sipped a cup of tea while waiting for time to be alone yet again. It did not come.

There were four women in the house with my Mother and I. The hairdressers, Charles's mother, my best friend and Cousin, Ruth and the minister's wife. They were all in high spirits, shrieking and discussing everything from the flowers to my dress. None of them seemed to notice that I was not all there.

After my auburn hair had been placed in curls all around my head, Ruth weaved baby's breath around the front in a half crown. It was stunning. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before following Mother up to my room. She sat on my bed and patted the spot next to her. I quickly sat, dreading the talk to come.

"I know that you are a grown young woman, but I look at you and see the little girl you once were. The rosy red cheeks from playing outside all hours of the day. The scraped knees from never listening and always climbing trees. Your broken leg. Oh that day scared me more than I dare ever tell you. Esme my darling, you are my pride and joy and I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a little sad that today had finally come." She took my hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Now, tonight after the wedding you will be expected to perform your first wifely duty. You must be open and ready to accept his advances when they come. Do not turn away. While there will be no pleasure for you, remember that this is for him. Do not shy away. Do you understand?"

I nodded, feeling a blush creep into my cheeks at the very idea of….of….sex. There. I said it. Sex. I had no idea what it would feel like or be like but I knew that there was no choice.

"Now, now, Esme there is nothing to be embarrassed about! It is all a part of growing up and marrying!" She scolded me as she stood and slide the dress from the hanger. I stood and slipped off the housecoat, putting my arms in the air. She slipped it over them and my head and pulled it down. She gathered the strings and tied them at the back, pulling everything tighter but not too tight. She then gathered the veil and placed it on my head, sliding the clips into place.

"There now. You look stunning. Come now we must be at the Church shortly." She turned and left and I simply stood there, unable to move. I could hear everyone running around grabbing the last minute items that might be needed.

Well its time. I glanced around my room one last time. Goodbye Dr. Cullen. Today I become Mrs. Charles Evenson. With one final breath I lifted my skirt and slowly walked down the stairs. The oohs and ahhs brought a smile to my face and a small giggle escaped me. Ruth gave me one last hug before guiding me to the waiting car. Father had left this morning deeming this all too female for him. He had gotten the car all ready and was now waiting to drive us.

As soon as the car began to drive, a silence fell over everyone. I had taken Ruth's hand and was clutching it for dear life, hoping that she would calm me down. As soon as the Church came into view I felt my breath hitch in my throat. This was my last chance to turn around and call this off. Yet one look at my mother's face was all I needed to know that this was exactly what I should be doing.

"Are you ready baby girl?" Father held his hand out to me and helped me from the car. I had not even noticed that everyone else was already waiting to begin the ceremony.

"Yes Father." I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and then slipped my arm through his.

The music began to flow from the church as Ruth entered the church, looking stunning in her pale blue dress and white rose bouquet. I kept taking small breaths as Father began to walk us both towards Charles. He looked incredibly handsome in his tux. I couldn't take my eyes off of him as I made my way towards him.

Father gently placed my hand in his, gave me a kiss on the forehead then went to his seat. The pastor cleared his throat and then raised his hands.

"Welcome one and all. We are gathered here today to join Esme Pratt and Charles Evenson in holy matrimony. Esme do you take Charles to be your husband, do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him, forsaking all others and holding only unto him?"

"I do."

"Do you Charles take Esme to be your wife, do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her, forsaking all others and holding only unto her?"

"I do."

"By the power vested in me I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Charles lifted the veil, smiling at the crowd as he did so, almost ignoring me. He only turned as he leaned in to kiss me, quickly before turning and waving to all those who had been invited. He took my hand and guided me down the aisle, stopping the greet people and accept congratulations.

While our families could not afford a large party, we were celebrating at the town hall with a few family and friends. Charles guided me to the car without saying a word, almost slamming the door behind me. He slide behind the wheel then turned to me.

"How does it feel to be Mrs. Charles Evenson?" He reached out and gently touched my cheek before turning back to the steering wheel.

"Wonderful." The lie slipped through my lips with incredible ease. I wondered what kind of marriage this would turn out to be.

…

The rest of the day flew by in celebration. I almost didn't want it to end but I knew that I had a new life to begin sooner rather than later. Mother had already packed my bag and placed it in the trunk before the party. Father promised to bring the presents by later this week, perhaps on Friday. I quickly kissed them goodbye and then sat myself into the car. Charles took a few more moments and then drove us back to the house.

He grabbed my bag and led me into the house. It was a beautiful two story home with light blue siding and white window shutters. The door was a lovely light yellow with roses growing in the flower boxes. He had done an amazing job in creating a very wonderful looking home. He led me into the entryway and set the suitcase down. The living room was small but had simple black couches. No ornaments of any kind not even a radio.

"Well the kitchen is down at the end of the hall. I, well we, have got indoor plumbing on this level only. The first door on the left. The bedroom is at the top of the stairs. Do you need some, um time?" I nodded and picked up my suitcase before entering the bathroom.

I locked the door behind me and leaned against it, feeling the panic rising to the surface yet again. I quickly pulled off the veil and clawed at the clips holding my hair into place. I slid from the dress and hung it up before turning on the taps to the tub. I made sure to turn the water to hot, needing to scrub off these feelings.

The undergarments were a bit of a struggle, so I settled with cutting the lace as it was quicker. I slid into the water and sunk down, submerging my head. I reached up with my hands and worked the hair spray out. I rose to the surface and sucked in a deep breath. I knew that I could only put off my so called duty. I towel dried my hair and opened the suitcase, pulling out a nightgown and housecoat. Once I was wrapped in fresh clothing I exited and headed for the bedroom.

With each step I could feel my legs growing heavier and heavier. Each step seemed to resound the fear that had been growing in the back of my mind all day. The time had come to make this official and I did not want to do this. Yet here I was. Becoming a wife and mother just as was expected of me. First step, consummating the marriage.

I entered the bedroom to find Charles already lying in the bed. I gave him a hesitant smile as I slipped off the housecoat and slid under the covers. He slid a hand onto my thigh sending shivers up and down my spine. The smile on his face was one of, I'm not really sure. He leaned over to kiss me and I allowed it to happen. As he hand began traveling upwards I sent myself into my mind.

It didn't take him very long to be finished. He seemed pleased which meant that I had done my job. He turned out the light and rolled over. It had hurt, but I made sure that I didn't show it because it was his pleasure that mattered. I slid down, buried my face into the pillow and allowed the tears that had been threatening, flow. This was my life and I had never been so unhappy. Nothing could be worse than this.


	3. The beginning and the end

**The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer but the story is my own.**

Charles's alarm was shrill and ear piercing as it startled me out of a deep sleep. I rubbed my eyes, as they were sore from crying myself to sleep the night before. My hair was matted and needed some work. Before he could say anything, I slipped out of the bed and to the bathroom. The floors were freezing beneath my feet and I knew that I would either have to make some rugs or see if Charles would be willing to buy some.

I slipped the door closed behind me as I reached for a towel. I ran the water and cleaned my face quickly. Brushing out my hair I pulled it into a bun, leaving a strand hanging next to my ear. I made sure that I looked nice, perhaps even appealing to my husband. I quickly slipped into some fresh clothing and then glanced in the mirror one last time.

I quickly went to the kitchen and put water in the tea pot. Placing it on the stove, I turned on two burners before searching through the cupboards for a frying pan. Upon finding it in the bottom cupboard next to the stove, I found eggs and bacon in the cold box. I quickly started Charles's breakfast, knowing that having a good breakfast was a great way to start the day.

By the time Charles came downstairs and had his morning bath, I had all the food ready and coffee made for him. I was sipping on a cup of tea, waiting for him before I began to eat.

"Esme darling? Do I smell coffee?" He poked his head around the corner, his hair still damp. A grin split his face when he saw that I had already made breakfast. "Looks amazing sweetie! Just let me get dressed."

I heard him take the stairs two at a time, the noise resounding through the house. Shortly after he returned to the kitchen and sat down.

"Where's the paper?" He glanced around the table but did not see it. "Esme, where's the paper?"

"I didn't know that you wanted it Charles. Let me get it for you." I quickly stood and hurried to the front door, grabbing the paper and returning as fast as I could. I handed it to him and he nodded.

We ate breakfast in silence, as he was too busy reading his newspaper to bother attempting to hold a conversation with me. I knew that he was used to being a bachelor so I figured it would take him time to adjust to having another person in the house. When he was finished, he threw on his coat, and kissed me on the head before heading to the front door.

"Charles?" He paused as I hurried over to where he was. "I was wondering if I could get some yarn to make a rug. I found the floor a little chilly this morning."

"That sounds fine. There is money in the jar in the bedroom. Just make sure you have the receipt and can account for all that was spent." He then kissed me on the mouth and I waved goodbye as he pulled out the driveway.

I closed the door and bolted it, not wanting any company. I returned to the kitchen and washed the dishes. I looked through the cold box and only found a few items, not enough for me to make any kind of supper for Charles and myself. I guess I would have to go shopping.

The house was just outside of town so the walk would be good for me. I would have to be careful what I purchased as I couldn't carry a lot home with me.

First things were first though. I figured that Charles was not planning for me to live out of my suitcase so I gathered it from the bathroom and carried it upstairs. I discovered that a part of the closet was open as were several drawers in the only dresser. I made the bed and slide the suitcase under as it was the only storage spot that I could think of. When I was satisfied that the bedroom was clean, I walked over to the closet and found the jar hidden behind a hat box.

I noticed that many of the things that I was used to were not here. Charles was not very up to date in his appliances but I could easily get used to that. He didn't even have a radio but I knew that one of the guests had given us one so that would make housework a much happier task. I should stop by Mother and Father's and request that Father drop it off sooner.

I sat on the edge of the bed and counted out ten dollars. I figured that if I needed any more than that I was spending too much. I hunted around for a grocery bag but could not find one. I would grab some plain brown yarn to make one then.

I grabbed my house key and locked the door behind me, taking a deep breath of the fresh air. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and a blue jay was perched in the tree at the end of the driveway. I stopped as I noticed it singing while building a nest. A smile tugged at my lips as I remembered the day that I had. No those thoughts were wrong now! I had Charles as my husband and that's where it ended.

I took my time walking to the store, enjoying the air and the time that I had to myself. Entering, Mrs. Grouper waved and came over.

"Good morning dear! I'm surprised you are out and about already." She wrapped me in a hug a huge smile on her face.

"Morning Mrs. Grouper. Charles had to work today so I am running a few errands." I smiled at her as I grabbed a basket and began my shopping.

The material and wool was stored at the back, with a table for measuring and cutting the correct amount. I took my time looking at the wool until I found a nice green the match the bedroom. I grabbed five and then two skeins of a deep brown that wouldn't show much dirt. I had forgotten my knitting needles at home so I definitely needed to stop by and grab them.

A beautiful violet material caught my eye as I was turning to go grab some other small items. I couldn't resist feeling it and imagining myself with a blouse made from it. I quickly shook my head knowing that it was frivolous when I had plenty of nice clothing at home.

I walked over to the food and a rack of seeds caught my eye. I could start a small garden that would give us some fresh fruits and vegetables! What a wonderful idea! I grabbed a carrot, tomato, green pepper and cucumber package and placed them in my basket. I then looked for canned peaches as I wanted to make peach roast for dinner with scalloped potatoes.

I grabbed two cans as they were on sale, then decided to grab two more to put away as they stayed good for over a year and there were plenty of recipes that I could use the peaches for. I grabbed a bottle of milk as I had noticed that we were getting low as well as some more eggs. I would make bread when I got home but I wasn't sure if he had anything for making bread. So I grabbed all the ingredients and went to the counter.

"Goodness! He must have not cooked very much!" I smiled and nodded as I placed everything on the counter.

"He ate at the diner most nights. I plan on making sure that he has good meals every day. I am afraid that I am going to need a paper bag as Charles doesn't have grocery bags made." I smiled as she rang it all up and I paid her. I was surprised when it came to three twenty, much cheaper than I had expected. "Are you sure that's right Mrs. Grouper?"

"Yes dear! We got a great deal on the yarn so we are having a sale! Two for half price!" She handed me the bag and walked me to the door before waving me off. My next stop was the butcher.

I walked in and the door chimed, alerting Don that I was here. I patiently waited, looking over todays deals while he finished up out back.

"What can I do for you today Esme?" He smiled at me and I smiled back. Don had always been kind to me when Mother sent me to get meat for dinners. He would give me great deals and sometimes even sneak my extra's. If I came at the end of the day, he would give me some of the leftovers. Mother only had me do that when Father lost his job and money was very tight.

"I need a nice roast Don for dinner. Oh! And some nice breakfast sausage for tomorrow." I pointed towards the items that I wanted and watched as Don's adept hands wrapped the meat.

"I've got some nice steak here it's on sale if you'd like some." He weighed the meat and quickly punched in the total.

"Oh Don I wish I could! Perhaps next time but I don't dare. I'm not sure what Charles entirely likes so I don't want to buy too much today." He nodded and gave me the total, two eighty. "Don that's too little! The roast was priced at three dollars alone!"

"Nah Esme, it's enough. Don't argue with me girl."

"Yes sir." I handed the money over and took the bag from Don. I waved goodbye before heading next door to the vegetable store.

My hands were getting full but I still needed a few things. I knew that Mother would still be at her ladies meeting so perhaps I could catch a ride home. I entered the store and quickly grabbed a bag of potatoes, carrots, an onion and some apples. I was considering making an apple pie for desert.

I quickly paid and found that I had around three dollars left. I had done rather well and made sure that all my receipts were in my change purse. I grabbed my final bag and headed towards the Church which was halfway across town. I arrived just as mother was leaving the building. She spotted me and waved, waiting for me to catch up.

"Hello sweetie!" She guided me to the car and helped me put my items in the back seat.

"Charles did not have very much in the house. I only grabbed enough for a few days, when he is off on the weekend we need to get some more." I smiled and gave her a hug, already missing her.

"Well at least you were smart enough to grab some for a few days! The first week with your father, I was too afraid to go shopping so we lived off canned peas and a few potatoes!" She began laughing as she slipped behind the wheel. "Do you need anything from the house?"

"Yes actually. I left my knitting needles and I wanted to grab a couple of the wedding gifts. Charles doesn't have much in the house." I smiled as I slipped into the passenger side and settled in for the ride.

When we go to the house, I ran inside and grabbed the baking pans, my needles and the radio. Mother drove me home and helped me bring everything into the house.

"You weren't kidding! That poor man. Well thank heavens he has you now!" I grabbed the food and brought it into the kitchen.

"I want to make a mat for the bedroom, the floors are cold in the mornings. I also found that he has no up to date appliances or many cooking dishes. I can work with a lot but I can't make dinner without proper tools!" I laughed as I put the canned items away and then the fridge.

I turned to Momma and she was smiling at me, a tear running down her cheek.

"What's wrong!"

"I am just so happy to see you in your own home!" She kissed my cheek and then bid me goodbye as she had to get home and do some work of her own.

I quickly washed two of the pans and mixed up enough dough for two loaves of bread. I quickly placed them in the oven and began to prepare the roast. It was almost noon but I figured if I got the food ready now, I would be able to relax, listen to the afternoon radio show I enjoyed and knit the grocery bags.

I looked through the cupboards and found a roaster along with another cooking dish. I quickly sliced up the onion making sure to save half for another day. What I did use, I took half for the roast and half for the potatoes. I grabbed a can of peaches and put some water in the bottom of the pan. I then placed the roast in and opened the can of peaches pouring them on and around the meat. I then placed the onion in the same manner. Covering the pan, I placed it into the fridge. I quickly made the potato dish and placed it in the oven because it took time to cook. I quickly set the timer and went back to the entryway.

I grabbed the radio and set it up on the side table in the living room. I plugged it in and quickly found the station, turning the volume up just enough that I could easily hear the timer over the show.

I grabbed my needles and sat down, working on the first of the two bags. The timer rang just as I was finishing the handles on the second. I quickly put the roast in and set the potatoes on the burners.

I finished the bag and began working on the first mat. I was just getting halfway through when I heard a key in the door. I quickly set aside my items and went to greet my husband.

The door hit the wall with a bang causing me to jump. Charles walked in and threw his coat on the floor and his briefcase at the wall. I quickly grabbed the items and placed them in the closet for him to find later on.

"Hello Charles. How was your day?" I quickly kissed him on the cheek as I led him into the kitchen. I grabbed him a cup of coffee and sat down to listen to what he had to say.

"Horrible. One of our customers their accounts will not balance out. We have tried everything!" He slammed his fist into the table, spilling coffee everywhere. I jumped up, grabbing a cloth and cleaning it up. "What did you get at the store?"

He held his hand out and I went to my purse, pulling out the receipts. I placed them in his hand along with the change.

"I got some yarn, enough for two mats and two grocery bags so that I do not have to use the paper bags. I also got some food items such as a roast for tonight and some seeds. I thought I could start our own vegetable garden so we could have some fresh veggies." I smiled at him but my face fell as he glared at the receipts. He grabbed the one from the meat shop and waved it in my face.

"How did you get this much off?! Are you sleeping with the man?! Hmmmm? Did you show him your tits you whore!"

I never saw the blow coming. His palm struck my face, snapping my head sideways. I felt my lip split and blood began pouring into my mouth. He brought his hand up again and punched me. My neck cracked as I fell into the stove, almost burning my hand. I slid to the floor, disbelief flooding through me. He hit me three more times than stormed from the house. Tears began to flow down my face as my lip and cheek throbbed with each heartbeat.

Silence began to fill the house as the sun set. I slowly pulled myself to my feet, pulling a burnt roast from the oven. My tears continued to fall as I cleaned myself up and washed the blood out of my blouse. I hung it up to dry and put on a darker blouse. Fear had been crowding my mind and I wanted to flee, but where would I go? I disposed of the food and cleaned the dishes. When the clock chimed nine and there was no sign of Charles, I went to bed. I curled into a ball and allowed myself to cry as every dream that I had ever had, shattered before my eyes.


	4. Rejection

**The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer but the story is my own.**

 _I was swinging from a tree branch on a beautiful farm. My dress was made of the violet material that I had seen yesterday and was stunning. It hung to my knees and was lined with plain but soft white lace. I heard laughter behind me and I turned. Carlisle stood behind me holding a gorgeous blond girl on his hip, she had to be no older than two or three years old. Her eyes were the same color as mine and she was nibbling on a fresh strawberry. The bright red juice had stained her pale chin. A laugh escaped me as I slipped from the swing and walked towards my family._

As my dream faded and the sound of morning filled my ears, last night range all too clear. I winced as I tried to open my right eye only to find it swollen shut. My lip was twice its normal size and I was sure that there were more bruises forming. Instead of getting up like I should, I rolled over, pulling the covers over my head. I allowed myself to begin crying again, as fear continued to grow. Charles had hit me. No. He had beaten me. His anger was the most terrifying thing I had ever seen, the switch seemed to flick at the slightest thing. I know that I have to learn to not upset him but I felt I had done nothing wrong yesterday. Work had already angered him, most likely because someone had been hiding money causing the books to not balance out. Being so new to the married life, perhaps he was afraid that I had not been a virgin on our wedding night. My nightdress. It had blood on it from our first time together. That had to prove it to him. If I could make him see that I had done nothing wrong, then maybe this wouldn't happen again. I threw the covers off and dragged my body off the bed. I slowly stood, not wanting to send anymore shock through my body. I made my way downstairs, pulling the curtains closed so no one could accidentally see me. I entered the bathroom and quickly covered the small mirror with the hand towel, knowing that my appearance was horrible. Digging in the laundry basket, I found the nightgown, buried under Charles's clothes. From yesterday. I froze, my hand hovering over his shirt. Shaking, I pulled it from the basket and took a small smell of it. The scent was not at all comforting. It was the opposite of what I had always associated with safety. Father had always smelled of aftershave and wood shavings. It was a peaceful scent that had penetrated my entire childhood.

Charles on the other hand smelled of paper, ink and something I could not place. It was an awkward smell and make me itch. I stuffed the shirt back into the basket and left the bathroom as I had found it. I took the nightgown upstairs and placed it on the bed. Screw getting dressed. No, I have to. I need to keep with my regular routine. I entered the closet and glanced at my three skirts and two remaining blouses'. I grabbed the navy skirt and the grey blouse, getting dressed within minutes. I combed my hair and let it hang, not wanting or needing the extra tension on my face. Now for breakfast. I took one of the loaves of bread and made two slices, grabbing the frying pan and making toast. I fried up an egg as well and made a sandwich. After washing the dishes, I entered the living room and looked at the knitting that I had left yesterday. I clicked the radio on and sat down, picking up where I had left off. The music was soothing, allowing me to stay calm and actually find some enjoyment.

I was able to finish the two mats and placed them on each side of the bed, quite happy with the end result. They covered just enough of the floor that our feet would be nice and warn for the first few minutes of waking. I took the finished grocery bags and placed them in the hall closet on the hook that was behind the door. Charles's coat was gone as was his brief case. He must have slept on the couch last night.

I decided to try to make a dinner from what was left in the house. There were a few potatoes and the sausage along with the apples for the pie. I lugged the radio into the kitchen and turned the music up, dancing as I prepared to make some delicious food. I placed two of the largest potatoes on the pan and put them in the oven to bake. Taking the sausage, I sliced them down the middle lengthwise and began to slowly fry them with some onion. I added some minced garlic and flipped them. When the buzzer dinged, I pulled out the potatoes. Taking a bowl, I dug most of the insides out, leaving a one-inch layer around the edges and the peel. I cut up the sausage and mixed it with the potato, carrot and minced celery. I put it all back inside the peel and then sprinkled cheese on top. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was four thirty, almost time for Charles to be home.

I didn't have the time to make a pie so I decided to make small single serving pies instead. I grabbed two small oven proof bowls and threw together the pies. At five, the oven timer dinged and I took out the supper, replacing it with the pies. I set the table, poured two glasses of wine and placed out diner. I covered the food with a cloth to keep it warm and went to the front door to wait for Charles.

At exactly five ten, he pulled into the driveway. I tried to put a smile on my face as I waited for him to come in. I heard him whistling as he walked up to the door. I opened it, making sure to stay behind before he could grab his keys. I shrieked as he handed me a bouquet of stunning red roses.

"Esme, I am so sorry sweetie. I allowed work to cloud my mind and make me think horrible thoughts. I was so upset with myself that I had dared to hurt you." He leaned in and proceeded to kiss each wound, making sure to not put any pressure. "It will never happen again." He held out a package and then hung his coat up in the closet.

"Go on sweetie. Open it." I hesitated, then motioned for him to follow me to the kitchen. I placed the parcel on the table, then went and got a vase from the cupboard. I made sure that the flowers were safe, taking a deep breath of the aroma. Then I turned around.

"Thank you Charles. I accept your apology but, I would be lying if I said that you didn't scare me. I never slept with Don, Charles. He was always kind to my family, especially when I was small, around eight and Father lost his job. I don't know why, perhaps it is because he never had his own children, but he always given me a discount. I just wish you would have let me explain." He pulled me into an embrace and kissed my head.

"I know Esme. I will be more open to listening from now on. Don't you worry. Now open it." He picked up the parcel and shoved it into my hands. I smiled and tore into the wrapping, gasping as the beautiful violet fabric tumbled into my hands. He smiled as he saw the shock on my face. "Mrs. Grouper saw you admiring it yesterday and mentioned it when I went in to get the flowers. Do you like it?"

"I love it Charles! Oh thank you!" I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him. "Come on, we had better eat while the food is still hot."

We sat down at the dinner table and Charles took the time to ask me questions about my day. He wanted to know all about my radio show and then he told me about his day. I enjoyed the attention, not wanting this to end. After dinner, we sat down in the living room, Charles with a crossword and I took the material and began measuring the fabric. There was enough for the dress that I had dreamt about the night before!

The rest of the week went by with beautiful ease. I was able to finish the dress in time for Church on Sunday. Charles had gone out and gotten me a small amount of concealer so that the remaining bruises could not be seen. Charles was so kind to me over the next week as well. He even made me breakfast on Saturday morning and we had a good laugh over the burnt toast. I was beginning to forget what it was that I had done wrong. On the Tuesday of the next week I was able to go out and get as much groceries as we needed. Charles had also given me some extra money to get some small gardening tools so I could begin our vegetable garden. At the store, Mrs. Grouper did not approach me as she had the week before. There were two other women in the store who stopped their shopping and stared at me as I entered. I brushed off the strange feeling that I had gotten and went about my business. After paying for my order, Mrs. Grouper walked my outside, pulling me to the side.

"Sweet heart perhaps you should have stayed home today. No need to come out looking like that." She gestured to my face and I felt myself blush. Perhaps some of the makeup had come off. I grabbed some meat for dinner than hurried home, ashamed that I had possibly done something to make my husband appear to be a bad person.

That night at dinner, Charles asked if anything was wrong and I denied it saying that I was simply tired. Life had become much more complicated than I had imagined. I had to watch everything I did from how I looked when I left home to how I even acted around my own husband. I wished that Mother had taught me more during my time with her, under the safety of her roof.

The next evening everything changed. Charles came home in a foul mood, angered by some things that his co-workers had been saying.

"Esme!" His voice was dark, scaring me. I hurried to the front door wondering what it was that I had done this time. "Where did you go yesterday? Hm?" I took his coat and hung it up before turning around to face him. I crossed my hands but kept them at waist level so that he knew I was not being threatening.

"Just the main store and the butcher. I got what we discussed the night before. Did I not give you the receipts?" I swallowed, feeling a ball of fear growing inside of me.

"Yes you did. That's not the problem. Did you stop to talk to anyone?" I shook my head, wondering what was going on. "The women have been talking. Did you wear your makeup?"

"No, I thought it was all cleared up Charles."

"You fool!" The blow threw me into the hall table, knocking the glass vase to the floor. I gasped, as he stepped forward and grabbed my arm, squeezing it as hard as he could. "The women saw one of the fading bruises and told their husbands! One of those men is my boss!" He hit me again and my head snapped to the side. I felt my lip split again.

"I'm sorry Charles I didn't know!" I tried to raise my arm to stop the blow but he just shoved me into the glass all over the floor. I felt it cut into my hands and legs as they were uncovered. I began to sob, afraid that Charles just might kill me. I brought my bloodied hands up in front of my face I heard Charles gasp.

He scooped me into my arms but I began to tremble, afraid of him. He carried me to the bathroom, cleaned my wounds and then led me to the table for dinner. He served the food and did the dishes, apologizing the enter time for what he had done. I accepted his apology but begged him to be more careful. I was as new to married life as he was. We could only become better at this is we worked together.

Charles made love to me that night and while I still did not enjoy it, he seemed to be pleased with what he had done. When he was finally snoring softly behind me, I curled up in a ball and cried, praying to God that I never got pregnant.

The next morning after Charles left for work, I grabbed a scarf and covered my head. I made sure to keep looking at the ground as I slowly made my way to my Mother's house. As I knocked on her door, I felt my arm begin to shake. I pulled my glove down further, hoping that no one had seen me on my way here.

"Hello? Oh Esme!" My Mother pulled me into a hug and then beckoned for me to enter the house. I followed her, hesitating before I took off my gloves and scarf. "What brings you here today?" She gasped as she turned around and saw my bruised and cut up face.

"He lost his temper Mom. He, I was afraid he was going to kill me." I began to shake even harder as tears began to flow down my face. I gasped as Mother's hand connected with my cheek.

"How dare you! Charles is a wonderful man who can provide for you and your future children! You showed have stayed home until you were better! Put those back on I am taking you home!"

"But Mother…"

"No but's Esme. This is no the proper behavior for a wife. Time to smarten up." She grabbed her coat and made sure that I was covered before ushering me to the car. As soon as she pulled into the driveway she turned to me, a stern expression on her face. "Stay home. Pull the curtains. Do not come out again like this. Do not disgrace me Esme."

I nodded before hurrying into my home. I locked the door behind me and slide to the floor, being crushed by the weight of the life that had been placed in my hands.


	5. Merry-Go-Round of Life

**The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer but the story is my own.**

August 1917

Charles had been drafted. I stared at the letter in my hands and felt a spark of hope begin to start again. Charles would be going to war and I would finally be free. Charles had been drafted. The abuse had only gotten worse as time went on. Last month Charles at lost his temper at me for not fixing his shirt in time and had thrown me down the stairs, breaking my arm. We had gone to the hospital and the doctor had been concerned as to how it had happened. I had explained that I had missed the first step, broken the heel off my shoe and then tumbled down the rest of the way. Charles claimed he had found me knocked out on the floor at the bottom of the stairs. My arm was still in a cast but the pain was no longer there. We had only been married for eight months but it felt like an eternity.

Mother had been angry with me any time that I tried to bring up the topic. I had gone to my priest for help and he had told me to be the good wife and go home, serve my husband and keep my head down. Everyone felt as if it was my job to control Charles's anger and stop him from hurting me. Yet nothing I did worked. I kept myself meek and quiet and always had the house in perfect condition. I had made him new shirts and pants and had sewn curtains for the living room. He had gotten me new appliances for the kitchen after in a fit of rage he had destroyed almost everything. I was finally going to be able to have a life of my own. Yet I knew that the fear that was now engrained in me was going to cripple me. Charles was a constant reminder of my failure to be a good wife.

I quickly took the letter and placed in next to the afternoon newspaper. I checked on the soup and bread, making sure that everything was going to be ready by the time he was home. I quickly checked myself to make sure that I was ready, looking as if I had been cleaning all day. The door opened and closed and a fist began to squeeze my heart.

"Esme?" I popped around the door and smiled, walking over to him.

"Sorry sweetie, I had to use the washroom. How was your day?" I grabbed his coat and briefcase, putting it away.

"Good! We got the new account and the customer is thrilled! Perhaps we can get a new couch with the bonus I will be getting." He smiled and kissed me before heading to the kitchen. I followed behind, getting his coffee before sitting down across from him.

"Esme, when did this letter come?" I watched as the color drained from his face as he stared at his future.

"With the mail this morning. I was washing the floors so only got to sort it now. Is it true?" He opened the letter, read it and then slammed his fist into the table.

"Damn it!" He took several small breaths then handed the letter to me. The pickup date was in two days and he had to report to the recruitment office by tomorrow. It was finally over. Perhaps he would even die while over seas. I stayed still, staring at the paper in my hands as Charles took his anger out on the house.

I heard him in the living room, my radio being the first thing to face his wrath. He eventually moved to the furniture, throwing everything around and yelling about unfairness and how God had abandoned him. God had never been in this house and I highly doubted he had ever had an interest in Charles. A man who was ruled by such anger and violence was not a man of any God that I knew of. I jumped when I heard glass shattering. His swearing escalated and I froze, considering leaving for a while.

"Esme! Can I have some help?" I sighed before slowly wandering down the hall. Charles was standing in the doorway holding his hand, blood slipping through his fingers.

I entered the bathroom and looked for the first aid kit. It was under the basket that used to adorn the counter holding different towels and soap. I led him to the kitchen, careful to avoid the broken mirror, never saying a word. I held his hand over the sink, taking the wounded one in mine. I then turned on the water, allowing it to wash away the extra blood. Charles gasped but I simply focused on my job. I used tweezers to pull out the glass and then sewed the larger of the cuts closed. I then wrapped his hand, after ointment had been put on the cuts. He then simply left. I heard the car start and went to the front window to watch him pull away. He was most likely going to the bar two towns over as he always did when things did not go his way. This reminded me of the time that I had skipped my period for two months, most likely due to stress. Charles had thought I was pregnant and had gone so far as to buy a crib and set it up in our bedroom. Yet the doctor simply discovered that I was missing my period, most likely due to the stress of the war or some change. We had come home and the crib had become kindle before he left to drink an entire liquor store dry. I didn't hear from him for the entire weekend. When he had returned Sunday night, he had not said a word. Simply sat down to dinner, took a shower and went to bed. The next evening, he had insisted on sex, forcing me when I fought to the point of leaving bruises on my arms and thighs. I gave in for the rest of the week and he continued to request sex, sometimes even twice a night. I guess he really wanted a child even though I hoped beyond belief that I would never bring a child into this kind of "home".

Turning around, I found my couch and chair completely upside down and the pillows ripped open. I took my time and put everything back where it belonged. I took out my sewing kit and fixed the pillows, replacing the stuffing. Then I went to the bathroom and restored everything to its original place. By the time that I had the house back in order, it was three in the morning. I slipped beneath the cold sheets, curling into a ball. I must admit that I was happy to be alone for tonight, as I would need to get used to sleeping alone and finally feeling safe enough to sleep through the night.

The alarm went off at seven, waking me from a fitful sleep. I glanced around the room to see Charles draped over the end of the bed, still in his clothes. Instead of trying to deal with him, I slipped from the bed, pulled on my dressing gown and went down to the kitchen to prepare an easy breakfast and lots of coffee. I heard his groggy footsteps pounding down that stairs shortly after eight. I had his meal ready and poured his coffee, preparing myself to face his anger, one final time. Instead, he simply sat down and ate, staring at his plate the entire time. I had already eaten so I went to pack his suitcase, afraid of every second that he was still here.

At ten, I stood at the doorway, watching Charles stand in the living room, staring at, well everything. I stood, holding his suitcase waiting for him to be ready. He eventually came over, pulling me into his arms, pressing his face into my hair. I stood still, waiting. He kissed me, several times, took the suitcase and walked out the door. He would be taking the bus as he had no need for a car where he was going. As I watched him leave, I felt a spark flicker inside me. A spark of hope for a real future, a chance to have a life and to be me. I felt a tear of joy run down my face as I closed the door on a past of hate and anger.

November 11, 1918

I awoke just before the alarm rang, the sheets soft and warm around me. I snuggled into them, taking a deep breath. The scent of fresh air still clung to them as I had hung them out to dry two days ago. I hit the alarm, stopping it after the first ding and lay staring at the ceiling. It had been over a year since Charles had left. No letters had come but I was free and happy. The vegetable garden had actually made me profit over the summer and I had used the extra to buy items to make a few things. I had knitted myself a beautiful pale blue sweater, a pink hat, scarf and glove set. I had even had enough to make myself a nice grey winter coat and two new clothing sets. I had even made one of the skirts a beautiful yellow, knowing that even though it was silly I had fallen in love with the color. In August, I made a few extra dollars and was finally able to replace my radio which gave me such joy during the darkest time of my life.

I decided to greet the day with a smile and get baking for the ladies meeting at the Church this afternoon. I had told them last week that I would make my upside down cake and chocolate chip cookies. I had discovered that I was an excellent baker and that as long as I trusted my gut, I could make up wonderful recipes on the fly. I skipped down that stairs, stepping into the living room to turn on the radio before entering the kitchen to make some breakfast. I made an entire pot of tea as I planned to have a few cups before I left for the day. As I began to hum along, a news cast came over the radio. I stopped to hear what was being said.

"Breaking news this morning America. The war is over. I repeat the war is over." No. No that couldn't be, that meant. No they were wrong. I rushed into the living room and flicked the radio off. I felt my legs begin to shake as tears ran down my face. I reached up and wiped then away angrily. I would not cry. I had heard nothing from Charles since shortly after he was deployed. He had to have died, there was no way that he had survived. Yet I couldn't shake the fear that had opened its wide jaws once again. There was a chance that Charles had survived and he was coming home, to me. I was going to die.

January 15, 1919

I stood at the train station, barely containing the shaking that was threatening to take over me entire body. Charles had been located and was returning, on the twelve o'clock train. Father had driven me and was waiting with the car while I waited for Charles. I had cried and felt every once of happiness and joy be ripped from me as reality became clear. I would always be trapped with Charles and there was nothing that I could ever do. Someday, whether it was next week or ten years down the road, Charles would kill me with his two hands. I just had to wait for death to come, wait in fear until I breathed my last breath.

The whistle of the train pulled me out of my thoughts and I glanced up to see it pulling into the station. I began taking deep breaths trying to stop myself from having a full on panic attack. I needed to appear okay and collected, excited to see my husband after so long. Yet all I felt was dreed. The train pulled to a stop and soldiers began pouring out of the cars. Women were screaming in joy as they ran into the arms of the men they had waited for so long to see. Charles disembarked and began to calling my name. I turned and saw him, he dropped his duffel bag and ran to me. I opened my arms and he picked me up, spinning me around and around.

"Oh Esme!" He simply held me and buried his face into my hair, as I felt him begin to sob. "I never thought I would see you again!"

"It's wonderful to see you as well Charles. Its been a very long year." Again the lie just slipped off my tongue, as the fear replaced the peace that I had slowly found. He went back for his bag and grabbed it, taking my hand as we walked to the car. Father embraced him, pleased to have his son in law home safely after no news for so long.

Mother had us over for dinner that night and Father spent most of the time learning about what Charles had seen. Mother pulled me aside and requested speaking to me about starting a family. She said that because the war had killed so many of our young men, I owed it to the dead to have children as soon as possible. She told me about making my husband want me and the best times to get pregnant. She recommended that I go see my doctor about being able to track my menstrual cycle down to ovulation. I simply nodded, not wanting Mother to know that I would do everything that I could to stop it from ever happening. No child should ever bear witness to the abuse that went on in the house that I was a prisoner in. Charles collected me around eight and we went home. When we arrived, Charles scooped me into his arms and carried me to the bedroom. He was incredibly passionate, and began to get rough in his desires. It had been so long since he had been with a woman that his desires were over ruling his mind. I didn't fight, rather I gave in, knowing that I would be better off. As soon as I was sure that he was finished and sound asleep, I went downstairs and used a douche, wanting to clean all the semen out of myself. He had copulated with me three times this evening so I had to be careful, very careful.

For the next year and five months, Charles looked for work but was unable to find anything more than part-time work as a manual labor worker with my Father. He was just as awful as I remember and took his frustration at the war and his lack of job, out on me. When he was home all day, he would force me into sex five or six times a day. It was almost as if he thought that a child would fix all of his problems. I decided to make a doctor's appointment to try and get a form of birth control that I could hide from Charles. I knew that if I was ever going to stand a chance of leaving him, it would only be without children. So I was going to make sure that I never had one.

On Thursday of the second week of June I got a call from the Doctors office requesting that I come in that afternoon. I was afraid that Charles had slept with some woman over sea's and had brought a disease home, giving it to me. Fear ran through me as I tried to create an explanation for Charles.

"Darling?" I walked into the living room where he was reading the news paper and searching for some more work. He looked up but never said anything. "I was wondering if I could go out? The Doctor called and said my bloodwork came back with something she wants to discuss. Its nothing bad, they assured me. It's most likely my iron, it used to fluctuate when I was a young girl."

"Sounds fair. Is the medication expensive?" He took a sip of tea and then picked up his newspaper again.

"Not at all. Thank you." I went and kissed him before leaving the house. It was not a far walk to the office so I walked, allowing myself to relax in the beautiful summer air. I had been surprised that Charles had liked the yellow skirt, encouraging me to wear it in the nicer weather. Today was one of those days. When I arrived at the office, I was immediately sent into a room and told to sit down and wait. It was only ten minutes before my Doctor came in.

"Hello Esme. Thank you for coming." He sat down and pulled out my chart, before taking off his glasses and looking at me. "I know how important knowing about your cycle has been to you so I felt that this news needed to come now. Your blood work came back positive for pregnancy."

I felt all the blood drain out of face as that word was spoken. I swallowed, and then broke out in tears. I put my face in my hands as my body was wracked with sobs. I felt the Doctor put his hand on my shoulder.

"Esme this is not the end of the world. Having a child is perfectly natural for women. I know that there is always some fear especially with the war just ending. But you are in a great place with your mother here and your husband alive. I will be with you every step of the way." I looked up as he finished speaking.

"Thank you Doctor. I just need some time. Is that all?" He nodded and led me out to the front. I grabbed my sweater and quickly left the building.

Instead of going straight home I decided to go for a walk. I needed a plan, there was no way that I could have this baby here. My Mother would never support me leaving Charles, not when she felt that it was my job to make sure Charles kept his anger in check. I definitely could not go to her with this. Ruth. She was my only chance. If I could get to her place, there was a chance that Charles would not be able to find me. I turned around and headed into the middle of town, where the only payphone existed. Ruth had written while Charles was away at war and told me that they had gotten a phone and given me her number. I had written it down and put it in my purse just in case I ever really needed to find her. I walked to the side of the main store and put a nickel in the phone. I quickly dialed the number and waited.

"Hello?"

"Hi Ruth, its Esme. I don't have long. I am coming for a visit; I can't tell you anything else but I am getting on the train tomorrow. I promise I will explain when I get there."

"Alright Esme. Get here safely okay? We will be waiting."

I hung up the phone and returned home. Charles was gone to his weekly poker game so I had a chance to pack. I knew that he would never notice a few items missing. I packed only my favorite clothes, including the violet dress. I made sure that my hidden money was also packed, as I needed something to get me there. I went to bed early, too afraid that my face would give me away if I was awake when Charles got home. I drifted off shortly after ten, knowing that tomorrow would change everything.


	6. Hope and Despair

**The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer but the story is my own.**

Charles woke me the next morning with a kiss and breakfast in bed. He apologized for being out so late last night and then left for work. I washed the dishes and got dressed, feeling such fear at the fact that I was running away. It took me an hour to work up the courage to grab the suitcase and leave the house. I made the nine o'clock bus just down the road. It was a Friday so there was no one on the bus that I knew. I sat down, keeping my suitcase and purse close to myself. I was praying harder than I had ever prayed before that no one would see me and tell Charles. I had to get away. Now. Before my baby came into the world. It wasn't just me anymore, no it was me and my baby. I gave my stomach a quick rub, knowing that this little life depended on me now and forever. My heart felt as if it was racing, my fear growing more and more with each passing minute. I doubted that I would ever be fully relaxed with Charles still alive. The bus pulled into the train station and I checked the platform before getting off. I bought my ticket, keeping my head down and hid in the bathroom until I heard the train pulled in. I made my way to my seat and put my suitcase away. I opened my bag and began fiddling with the items, trying to look busy. The train ride was several hours and I hadn't brought anything to distract myself. This was going to be the longest train ride of my life. I had barely slept last night and as the train began the journey I felt my eyes growing heavy. I allowed them to close, knowing that even if I fell asleep there would be nothing I could do even if I was awake.

As the train pulled into my stop, I glanced out the window to spot Ruth and her husband Gregory waiting for me. I noticed that Gregory was missing an arm, most likely lost during the war. I grabbed my suitcase, being careful not to disturb the sleeping child across from me. I smiled at her mother and then stepped onto the platform. Ruth waved at me and hurried through the crowd and pulled me into her arms. She kissed my check, took my hand and led me over to Gregory. He took my suitcase and nodded before leading us to their car. Ruth wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I found myself crying as we walked together. As soon as we were all in the car, Ruth took one look at me and knew that something was very wrong.

"Can you tell me now Esme?" She kept her arm around me, not wanting to let me go for anything.

"It's Charles, Ruth. He was the perfect man until the door was closed. He, he has a temper and would hit me. I broke my arm before he was drafted because he threw me down the stairs. He made me lie to the nurse and doctor and tell them I was just clumsy and broke my heel on my show. I, I couldn't do it anymore. I had been hoping that he would die at war but he came back and was angrier than ever. He was needy as well, very needy. Ruth, I'm pregnant." I felt the tears begin to flow even more as she pulled me into her, soothing me sorrow.

"Oh Esme! What did your mother say?"

"She told me it was my fault. I can't raise a baby with him, the child would die." I looked into her eyes and saw her realize what was really going on.

"You're leaving him. Esme you can stay with us for as long as you need to, but money is tight. I don't want to ask you to work but if you could find some work even one day a week." I nodded before settling back into her arms, feeling safe for the first time in a very long time. My eyes were still heavy and I allowed them to close, finding comfort for the first time in a very long time.

As I opened my eyes a simple one story home came into view, it had a bright yellow door with a yellow picket fence. Yellow had always been Ruth's favorite color and Gregory seemed to have made the house to her liking. I couldn't help but smile at the look on her face as she saw me admiring her home.

"Gregory painted it all before we were married. It was part of my wedding gift." She led me to the door and I stopped to admire the beautiful sunflowers that she had growing on the left side of the walkway. Opening the door, a small hallway led into a beautiful living room with a painting that I had made Ruth when we were teenagers on the wall. It was a sunset with her family home in front and a field of sunflowers to the side. I was shocked that she had kept it for so long. There was a pale yellow rug with green woven through it. I admired the white curtains that had daffodils on them. The living room led into the kitchen which was entirely up to date. The hallway had three doors along it, on leading to a decent sized bathroom, the master bedroom and the spare bedroom. Gregory brought my suitcase into the spare bedroom then left Ruth and I alone.

"I didn't see a garden outside." I sat down and patted the bed next to me. She took a seat and simply smiled.

"Greg grows the flowers. I kill anything I try to grow so no. I've been working at the library three days a week to try and bring in some money. Greg lost his arm shortly after he was deployed so we haven't been having the best time money wise." She looked around the room then back at me.

"Well then that's where I begin. I have some money set aside so I will buy seeds for a small garden so we can have fresh produce. I will also start looking for work tomorrow." I gave Ruth a hug before heading outside. I gave Greg six dollars for supplies and he happily went to town to get the items. I also requested that he get some yellow fabric and yarn as I had noticed how worn Ruth's clothing was. I had to repay them any way that I could.

Ruth and I worked together to make a stir-fry for dinner with hamburgers on the side. We laughed and joked and had a great time. I felt joy beginning to blossom within me as I was once again in a home filled with love. That night I fell asleep to the quiet sounds of a busy town and knew that I could start over.

The next day I went out to look for a job just as I had promised. I had created my story last night. I would be Esme Cullen, I was sure that Carlisle wouldn't mine me borrowing his last name, a war widow who was pregnant and came to live with family after finding out that her husband was deceased. I was able to find work as a school teacher, fulfilling my lifelong dream of working with children. The headmaster was very wonderful and said that I could work until my pregnancy was too far along to allow me to be comfortable or the doctor said I had to stop. The students were wonderful and highly excited to learn. I taught a small class of twelve children, eight girls and four boys. My favorite subject to teach was history as I was able to create wonderful stories that caught their attention and made me them want to listen and learn. I made the classroom into an environment that was safe for the children to ask questions and speak their opinions.

Gregory took over the vegetable garden as he wanted to do something useful during his time at home. Ruth had not been lying when she had said that he had a green thumb. He had carrots, potatoes, cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers and even squash. Every Saturday from July to the first weekend of September we had a small vegetable stand where we sold our extra's. The money was put into a jar and we split it down the middle when the selling season was over. I began to take students after school for tutoring to add some extra money just in case. I was not going to be able to work once the baby was here and I needed as much money as I could get. Tutoring paid two dollars a week per student and I took eight students. I paid rent to Ruth and Gregory and the rest of my money went into my savings. I made sure to keep my money on me as I was unable to store it anywhere that was safe. I didn't trust banks and I was always looking over my shoulder, waiting for Charles to find me.

December 12, 1920

As Emily left after we finished working on her math, I pulled my sweater on and rubbed my swollen stomach. The baby gave me a small kick, then began slowly moving around. I couldn't help but smile at the feeling of him or her moving around inside of me. According to the doctor I had less than a month left but because I was so healthy and strong I was able to complete teaching until the December break. It was a beautiful Friday afternoon and I was looking forward to the walk home. As I gathered my purse, I heard raised voices in the hallway. I glanced out the door and saw Gregory blocking Charles as Ruth was crying behind them.

He had found me. No. No no no no. This was not happening. I glanced down the hall again and saw that Charles had turned around. I clutched my purse against me and I quickly walked to the side door, not looking over my shoulder. The train station was a few minutes walk away and I was going to get away. There was no way that Charles would ever see me again. I walked as quickly as my swollen stomach would allow, using the love that I had for the bay to give me both the strength and the courage to flee once again. I ran up to the ticket booth and asked where the train was heading. It went through Ashland which sounded like a decent place to live. I bought a ticket and boarded, knowing that it was leaving within five minutes and Charles would never make it in time. As the train pulled out of the station, I knew that I had done it. I was in the clear and not even Ruth knew where I was going. Charles was in the past and that was all it was. My past. My baby was safe and I was as well.

I realized that I had left everything at Ruth's house. All I had was what was in my purse and the clothes on my back. That didn't matter. I'd rent an apartment and buy some material to sew some new clothing. I would also need to buy some yarn and knitting needles as all the items I had made for the baby were back there. That wasn't a problem. I couldn't work anymore as no one would hire me this far along in a pregnancy. Thankfully I had gotten paid today for everything and had more than enough to make it till spring when I could begin a vegetable garden yet again. This was going to work.

February 1, 1921

The contractions were getting closer together and I knew that I had perhaps waited a little too long to go to the hospital. I picked up the phone, which was just down the road from my home and dialed the taxi. I told them to hurry because I needed to get there as soon as possible.

"It's okay baby, help is coming." I hobbled back to the porch and held onto the frame while I waited. Five minutes passed before the taxi rounded the corner. I slid in the seat and told the driver to take us to the hospital. It was at least a ten to fifteen-minute drive and I wasn't sure if I could hold on that long. I kept taking deep breaths, allowing the contractions to do their work rather than fighting them.

I walked into the hospital and was immediately checked in. As the doctor checked me over, I was almost fully dilated and had done an excellent job so far. A nurse was appointed to stay with me as I was a single mother and there was no one to stay with me. An hour passed and it was time to push. I gave it my all, knowing that my baby depended on me to bring him/her into this world. Another hour passed. Then another. The doctor began to be concerned and told me that if the baby had not moved in another hour they would have to take me into surgery. I nodded, too tired to speak but still trying to find the strength to keep pushing. I heard the doctor congratulate me but the pain was too much. The head had moved and was ready to come out. I began taking small breaths as my body slowly pushed the head out. The doctor gave me the green light and I gave one last big push. I felt the baby slide from my body as I gasped, pulling air into my exhausted lungs. I heard commotion but kept listening for my babies cries. They never came. I began calling out, trying to find out what was going on. Two new nurses entered and began cleaning me up. They changed the sheets and settled me back into the bed, not talking to me. I was too exhausted to continue fighting and gave into sleep.

When I awoke, my baby was no where to be seen. I pressed the nurse button and waiting, needing to know what was going on. A young nurse hurried in, looking slightly frazzled.

"Ms. Cullen?"

"Where's my baby?" I sat up, needing my baby. Yearning to hold my baby in my arms."

"I'm afraid he is very sick. Let me get the doctor." She hurried from the room leaving me all alone yet again. I felt tears begin to run down my face as all my dreams crashed to the floor yet again. Charles had destroyed everything that I was and now my son was sick. I clutched at the blanket, needing my baby. The doctor appeared, holding a clipboard in his hands.

"Hello Ms. Cullen, it's nice to see you awake. I am afraid that your son is having breathing difficulties and from what I can tell he has Lung Fever. I do not believe that he is going to make it." He took my hand in his and gave it a squeeze. I had done everything right. I had eaten only healthy foods and gone for walks every day. I had been so careful and my baby was ill, dying. There was nothing that I could do.

I was able to talk the doctors into allowing me to take him home. I had been forced to name him before we left the hospital and I decided to call him Thomas. He had bright blue eyes and beautiful cooper colored hair. His small frame was fragile in my arms and I knew that every minute I had with him was precious.

When I entered the house, I took Charles into the bedroom and sat down in the special rocking chair. I began to sing a lullaby to him as I brought him to my breast. Between his gasping breaths he began to drink, only taking small amounts at a time. I focused completely on him needed to spend every second with him. I fell asleep for a period of time only to awake to his feeble cries. I gently changed his diaper before feeding him again. I bathed him in warm water, hoping that the steam might make his breathing easier. I paced around my small living space, singing and telling Thomas everything that I had wanted to do with him. As the sun rose the next day, his breathing had become more labored. I knew that our time was ticking away and all I wanted was to keep him with me. Tears began to roll down my cheeks as I held him against me, feeling his temperature begin to rise. I began rocking him, praying to God to give me just one more day. I had endured so much and not once complained. I needed my son, I was not ready to loose him yet. The clock chimed four and his body shuddered before going still. I brought his head to my lips and kissed him, drawing him against my chest, sobs wracking my entire body. Thomas was gone, stolen from my arms too soon. My reason to keep trying, to live, was dead. I screamed, angry at God for damning me to this cursed life. I screamed in pain as my heart was completely crushed. Within the hour the police were knocking on my door, responding to a disturbance call. They brought me and my dead child to the hospital, where he was taken from me. As I had no family, I was the only person at his funeral. As I stared at the tiny coffin that held his little body, I knew that I would soon join him.

I returned to the house after and simply stood in the doorway unmoving. My heart was still, unmoving and numbed by this loss. I had no reason anymore. I felt my legs give out as I collapsed to the floor, tears streaming down my face. Why had God abandoned me to this cursed life?! I screamed, beating the floor with my hands until they were black and blue. When the sun had set, I stood, knowing that I would join my son. I left the door unlocked, needing nothing from this life. With my skirts gathered into my hands, I ran into the woods, knowing that the highest cliff in town was behind my home. I didn't feel a thing as the branches tore at my skin and clothing. It was a bitterly cold night and I relished in the pain caused by the burning air. As the edge of the tree's came into view I slowed to a walk, dropping my skirt. I slowly walked to the edge and then glanced down, seeing a beach at the bottom. Without hesitation, I leapt from the edge, pushing off as my feet left the ground. I closed my eyes throwing my arms out to the sides, ready to embrace the earth as it rushed up to meet me.


	7. Death

**The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer but the story is my own.**

There were voices floating towards me through the darkness.

Darkness. I was still here? I could feel nothing. Was this all there was in death?

"Should we leave her? I'm sure someone else will come by."

"Come on, we can't leave her here. Imagine if she was your wife." I felt something slide under me. Several minutes passed and then there was a grinding noise. An engine turning over, or at least trying to.

Then nothing.

CPOV

"Dr. Cullen?" I finished writing on the intake form then turned to the nurse behind me.

"Yes?" She smiled and stood a little straighter. I simply sighed, wishing that I didn't draw women in.

"There is a corpse that was brought in. We need you to fill out the death certificate right away." I nodded then handed the clipboard to the nurse. I grabbed my stethoscope, placed it around my neck and headed for the stairs. This was the third body this week that had been brought in by people. I was beginning to wonder if this was a safe place to be staying. I nodded at the nuns who were heading upstairs to chapel. They smiled at me then hurried on their way. I scrunched up my nose at the smell as then morgue drew closer. The smell had never really grown on me even after working in a hospital all these years. I pushed the door open and walked over to the table where the body had been placed. I grabbed a certificate and began to write on it. A soft, struggling thumping sound caught my attention. I looked down and realized that this person was still alive. I grabbed the cloth and pulled it away, gasping. It couldn't be.

I leaned in and took a breath, becoming overwhelmed by the same scent that had been plaguing my memories for the last ten years. That beautiful young, vibrant girl was lying here. Esme Platt her name was. She had stayed with me since I had set her leg after she fell from that tree trying to rescue a bird's nest. Her heart had been so pure and beautiful and I had held such hopes for her. Her future had been so bright yet she had been declared dead. I took a quick inventory of her injury's. Her spine was broken in three place, one lung was destroyed, her rib cage was shattered and her arms and legs were destroyed. I had to try. I quickly covered her with the blanket and scooped her into my arms, making sure to not jostle her. The car would be too slow, I had to run. I listened and the hallway was empty. I made a bolt for door and was outside into the night within moments. I made a beeline for the forest and as soon as I was under cover I began to run.

"Esme hold on just a little longer, just hand on." I held her as tight as I dared and ran as fast as I could. As soon as I was at the house, I slammed the door open with my shoulder and carried her upstairs to my bedroom. Laying her down, I threw the sheet into the corner then turned back to her. With no hesitation I bit down on her neck, then her arms and then her legs. I made sure to hit all the major arteries, wanting the venom to work as fast as possible.

"Keep holding on Esme. Fight." I reached down and took her hand in mine, gently caressing the swollen tissue. She was beautiful even with all the blood and dirt on her body. Her dress was in tatters and I needed to get her cleaned up before the venom healed enough of her wounds that she would become violent with pain. I hurried into the bathroom and filled a basin with hot water and soap. I carried it and towel into the bedroom. I shoved all the items off of my side table and placed it there, before returning to the bathroom. I grabbed a wash cloth and scissors. Returning to Esme's side, I quickly cut the remaining cloth from her body. I threw it into the corner with the cloth as well, not caring. I quickly cleaned her body and then dressed her in one of my shirts. I had no women's clothing but knew that I needed to get something before she awoke. If she awoke.

I heard the front door open and knew that Edward was back from his hunting trip. I grabbed the discarded items and went downstairs, needing to talk to him.

"Carlisle, why?" He stood with his arms crossed, glaring at me from the foot of the stairs. Of course he had been listening to my thoughts. I took a moment to gather myself, swallowing the excess venom.

"Edward I know it is soon, perhaps too soon but I could not let her die. I met her ten years ago, before I had even turned you. Her mother brought her in to the hospital with a broken leg. She was such a beautiful young woman, a heart of pure kindness. She had been climbing a tree to rescue a bird's nest after finding the mother bird dead on the ground. I do not know what led her to this point Edward but I could not be responsible for her death when there was something that I could do about it." I looked into my sons eyes begging him to understand and not be angry with me. If Esme was going to be as much trouble as he was during the change, I needed his help.

"If you are sure Carlisle. Let me sit with her while you go and feed." He gave me a quick hug before heading upstairs to my room. I took a small sniff making sure that I had time to hunt before the venom had changed her to the point of him needing my help. Once I was positive that he would be okay for at least a few hours, I took off into the woods.

Was I doing the right thing? I had not even taken a moment to think this through. I had changed Edward only three years ago and some days it felt as if he was still a newborn. He was still impulsive and on edge most days. While he was getting more control over his mind reading, some days still became overwhelming. He tended to stay away from larger groups of humans and only went into town in the evenings. His last accident had been a little over a year ago and his eyes were back to topaz. He was trying so hard to follow my lifestyle and that was all I could ever ask of him. A herd of deer quickly caught my attention and I took one down. I was nowhere near filled but I could not stay away any longer. I headed back to the house cleaning my hands and face off in the stream before heading inside. I made my way upstairs and sat on the other side of the bed, watching Edward looking into Esme's face.

"She is beautiful Carlisle." He smiled at me then looked back down at her. "I'm not getting anything from her though, just blankness." I grimaced at the thought that I had been too late.

"All we can do is wait Edward." I reached across her broken body and took his other hand in mine. This was my family now and I would do everything that I could to keep us all together.

Esme stayed still and quiet through the entire first day. I was unsurprised as the venom most likely needed to focus on her physical injuries before it began fully changing her. Edward stayed with me all night, not wanting to leave me or her. As the birds began announcing the new days, Esme began to moan.

"Her mind is, well flashing. I keep seeing a baby, a boy I think. Then a casket." He looked up at me as we both realized that Esme had lost her baby.

"On my day off a young mother came in and gave birth to a baby boy who had lung fever. He wasn't going to live longer than two or three days." I ran my free hand through my hair. "It must have been Esme." I felt something inside of me clench as anger began filling my mind. This beautiful young woman in no way deserved to have died or have her baby torn from her so soon.

"She didn't but it happened Carlisle. We owe it to her to look after her now, help her through this." He turned back to her, his eyes moving across her face as he read her thoughts. "I see fear Carlisle, fear and pain. The screaming is going to start soon."

I nodded and positioned myself so I could hold her to the bed if need be. I wasn't sure if the venom worked the same way in everyone or if it was different. I quickly took her hand in mine and leaned down, next to her ear.

"It's going to be okay Esme. The burning will not last forever you just need to fight through it. It will end, I promise you." I kissed her brow, feeling intense heat under my lips. She was burning up, most likely burning away parts of her human body. As I sat back up, her mouth opened and a scream tore through her lips. She began gasping between the screams as if trying to cool herself off. I quickly went to the bathroom and got a basin of cold water. I gently placed it over her forehead, changing it when it got too warm. Her screams continued, growing softer as her voice gave out. I continued to try and make her as comfortable as possible, knowing that this was the most pain that she would ever feel.

"Carlisle, her thoughts." Edward grimaced and pulled away.

"If it is too much son, go." I smiled at him, wanting him to know that I would never be angry.

"It's not that, it's awful. She is so afraid Carlisle because she can hear men. She keeps thinking of her husband. I, I shouldn't say more." He looked at me as he swallowed hard, forcing the thoughts back.

"Of course." I turned back to her and began rubbing circles on her hand. "Esme, my name is Carlisle Cullen. You are in my home and are safe with me, no one will find you here. You are going through some changes as your wounds were too bad for me to simply fix. The pain is only temporary." I looked back at Edward to see if she could understand what I was saying.

"She, she's calming down. I see you, it's a fuzzy memory but it must be from ten years ago. It seems that she never forgot you." I smiled, pleased that she was far enough long to grasp somethings that I said.

"Thank you Edward. Do you need to feed?"

"No, I want to stay. It doesn't feel right to leave her." He grabbed the brush that was next to the bed and began working it through her tangled hair. He was so gently, easing it through tangles and working from the bottom to her scalp. I smiled, watching my son learn compassion in that moment.

As the sun set, the next milestone hit. She began to flail, trying to get away from the pain. I grabbed her legs and held them to the bed, knowing that she would be strongest there. Edward gently pinned her arms to the bed, listening intently to make sure that we weren't hurting her any more than the venom. We waited, keeping our full attention on her and her needs. Around midnight her eyes opened.

"She's wondering if she is in heaven. She keeps calling me Thomas." Edward looked towards me as he let her go. I quickly moved to her side, making sure she could see me.

"Hello Esme. Don't try to talk, this is just a moment of rest before the worst part begins. I will not leave you sweetheart but you need to hear this. I have changed you to save your life. When you fully awaken, you are going to be very disoriented with everything that is going on. That is Edward, my son. He is here to help as well. Esme look at me, hold on for just a few moments more. Do you understand?"

"She does but she says the pain is getting worse." I turned back to her and watched as she reached out and grasped my forearm.

"Help me" She barely rasped out the words before falling back onto the pillow, screaming in pain. Her heart was speeding up which meant that the end was near. I looked to Edward and he shook his head, her mind was consumed by the pain. I watched her writhe on the bed, her torso convulsing as her heart beat faster and faster. How I wanted to end this pain for her. I felt a sob break through and I let me head fall, knowing that I had caused this. The one woman that I had been unable to forget about for the last ten years was in agony. Edward rested his hand on my shoulder and I looked down, listening. Silence. She would awaken soon. I took Edwards hand and led him to the door placing myself between him and Esme. She was going to be very confused but I needed her to trust me.

The clock downstairs ticked each passing second. We waited for Esme to awaken and to welcome her to the family. Suddenly she gasped, opening her eyes and springing to her feet. As she spun to face us, Edward let out a small laugh.

"Dr. Cullen?"


	8. Awakening

**The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer but the story is my own.**

Voices. Male voices. They were talking to me, or rather about me. Thomas? Or Charles? It couldn't be Charl…

…

Charles. He was here to get me but I heard two men? Had he brought father? He was going to beat me to death.

"Carlisle, her thoughts." The first one pulled away, getting off the bed. Charles, my thoughts?

"If it is too much son, go." That had to be my father but the voice sounded so familiar. Had Charles brought my Father to make sure that I did not run away again?

"It's not that, it's awful. She is so afraid Carlisle because she can hear men. She keeps thinking of her husband. I, I shouldn't say more." I felt the person still on the bed lean down closer to my ear.

"Of Course." He began rubbing his hand against mine. It was so cold. "Esme, my name is Carlisle Cullen. You are in my home and are safe with me, no one will find you here. You are going through some changes as your wounds were too bad for me to simply fix. The pain is only temporary."

"She, she's calming down. I see you, it's a fuzzy memory but it must be from ten years ago. It seems that she never forgot you." My mind ran around in circles, pulling every dream of Carlisle that I had had when I was younger. Was he really here? The pain began to flare and I could no longer focus.

…

I opened my eyes and saw the most beautiful young man standing next to me holding my hand. _Thomas? This has to be heaven._ That had to be my son with the beautiful copper hair almost the same color as mine. He was all grown up but still amazing. He opened his mouth and turned to the other man.

"She's wondering if she is in heaven. She keeps calling me Thomas." My vision was blurry and I struggled to focus. Carlisle was suddenly there, replacing Thomas.

"Hello Esme. Don't try to talk, this is just a moment of rest before the worst part begins. I will not leave you sweetheart but you need to hear this. I have changed you to save your life. When you fully awaken, you are going to be very disoriented with everything that is going on. That is Edward, my son. He is here to help as well. Esme look at me, hold on for just a few moments more. Do you understand?"

Edward? He wasn't my son? At least I was not alone. I understand Carlisle but the pain, please make it stop.

"She does but she says the pain is getting worse." I reached out and grabbed Carlisle's arm, needing him to help me.

"Help me." The pain seared through me and I fell into it again. I could not hold back the screams as my heart began to race. I had no control over my body anymore as the fire slowly began to leave my fingers and center in my heart. My torso began to convulse and move of its own accord. I was so afraid, this had to be me passing into hell. Then nothing. There was only silence. I heard the two men move away from the bed and stop near one of the walls. Shouldn't I be breathing? A slight chuckle sounded from, Edward? I forced myself to take a breath, gasping at the effort. I snapped my eyes open and leapt from the bed. The smells! Wait, there was HIS smell, the wonderful scent of aftershave and the grass after rain. HE was here. I spun around, startled by how quickly I moved but there he was.

"Dr. Cullen?" I couldn't keep the surprise from my voice. "You're dead?" My hand was at my mouth as soon as I thought of the action. That was odd. My voice was, higher, lighter, and much more beautiful than it had been.

"No Esme, I made you like me. You were brought into the hospital, the morgue, because the people who found you thought that you were dead. I remembered you from ten years ago, the kind hearted young woman who broke her leg trying to save some baby birds. I could not leave you there to die so I brought you home." I glanced around the room, noticing that it seemed to be a man's room. What was I wearing? I gasped as I realized that I was dressed only in a man's shirt. I grabbed the blanket, my fingers ripping right through the fabric in my panic to get myself covered.

"Esme it's okay. I'm sorry that I did not have anything else here for you to wear. That is one of my shirts, your dress was torn and bloody so I destroyed it. Esme darling look at me." I glanced up, fearing that I was blushing in horror.

"You're not." My head whipped to the side to see the other young man in the room, the one I thought was my Thomas. "I'm not. My name is Edward, Carlisle made me just as he made you."

"Made me?" I swallowed hard, my throat was dry and scratchy as if I had been parched for months.

"Carlisle she is starting to notice it." Edward stepped to the side.

"Esme listen to me. I am a vampire, I made you into one as I was unable to save you using normal medicine. Your throat hurts because you are thirsty. Edward and I are going to take you hunting but I need you to trust me." He stepped forward and I jumped back, slamming into the wall. I felt the plaster hitting my shoulder as I eased out of the dent I had just created. My hand flew to my mouth in horror as Carlisle laughed lightly.

"Do not worry about it Esme, we have all broken things in our days. You are safe here, remember that." I looked down at the floor again, embarrassed by my carelessness. I tugged at the shirt hem, knowing I could not go anywhere in this.

"Esme what size are you?" Edward cocked his head to the side as he watched me carefully. I felt my anger flare that this strange man dare ask me such a question. A hiss escaped my lips as I crouched, sending my anger towards Edward. How dare he! Then Carlisle was there and I felt embarrassed all over again. Of course he had meant no harm! I needed pants and Edward must have been asking purely to see if we were a similar size, I straightened, horror lighting my face.

"I'm um I make all my own clothing so I am honestly not sure. Oh Edward, I'm so sorry!" I was beginning to feel incredibly confused. My throat was burning now and it was becoming harder and harder to ignore. Suddenly Edward left then reappeared, throwing something towards me. I caught it, shocked by my reflexes. It was a simple pair of brown pants with a belt. I slid them on and tightened the belt as far as I could, finding that they stayed in one place. Carlisle put his hands up and slowly approached, kneeling in front of me.

"I'm going to rip off the extra fabric so you can actually walk in these." He gently grabbed the hem and tore, creating pants that were the perfect length. I was glad that he was explaining his motions as I could hardly focus on him anymore. He stood and gently touched my chin, turning my face to look into his eyes. "That is your thirst Esme, you keep swallowing but it is going to do nothing to help. You need to feed and the only thing that will satisfy you is blood." I gasped, stepping away from him in horror.

"No!" I could not help the scream that tore through my lips. I couldn't eat living things!

"Esme you need to. I know this is all very hard to grasp. Once you have fed we can talk some more but until then you are not going to understand much of anything. Take my hand, I'll keep you safe." His eyes were so golden and I knew that I could trust him. Why was this so hard?

"It's because you are a newborn Esme." I turned to Edward, waiting for him to explain. "Your hunger is stronger right now. I'll go ahead make sure the area is clear." He opened the window and jumped out without making a sound. I swallowed again, reaching up to hold my throat hoping to cool the burning. Carlisle remained unmoving, keeping his arm extended towards me.

I took a small shaky breath and placed my hand in his. With my mind in such a muddle there was no way that I could trust myself. I had to trust someone and Carlisle was a doctor so I could trust him, no I had to trust him. He slowly walked, carefully placing each step as we moved downstairs. He kept a distance away from us just leading me outside. The sun was barely above the horizon and the birds were making lovely music. As my bare feet touched the earth I stopped, digging my toes into the dirt. I could feel each individual blade of grass as I moved slightly. I giggled at the feeling of the dirt falling through my toes, it was the most amazing feeling. Carlisle waited for my mind to come back to what we were doing before continuing into the woods. He started to run as soon as we were both under the cover of the trees and I found myself easily keeping up with him. After a short period of time, he stopped gently pulling me closer to him. He hesitated before gently placing his hands on my arms.

"Close your eyes Esme. What do you smell?" I took a deep breath and moved until my back hit his chest, needed to know that he would help me every step of the way.

I closed my eyes and lifted my nose upwards, into the wind. The first breeze brought me the scent of a river and a few small animals that did not even perk my interest. The next breeze caused me to tense, as a scent caused my throat to flare. Carlisle let me go and I immediately bolted, following the scent easily. I slowed as it over powered my senses, causing me to go crazy. I leapt forward, landing on its back. It reared trying to get me off its back. I dug my fingers in feeling my nails rip right through it's skin. I snarled as I dug my teeth into it's neck.

The blood was warm but it tasted, almost wrong. I kept drinking as it was slowly putting out the fire that had taken over my throat. I groaned as it rolled over my tongue and down my throat. I knew it was not what I truly wanted but there was nothing that I could do. All I wanted was more. I dropped my prey and growled, smelling the air for more. Something even less appealing floated by but I needed more. I leapt to my feet and took off towards the scent. A herd of deer came into view and I pounced for the nearest one. When it was empty I grabbed another, draining it dry. I sat back, holding the head in my hands. I felt up its neck and saw that I had broken its neck before drinking it dry. At least I knew that the animal had not suffered. As I stood to my feet I felt all sloshy inside as if I had had too much to drink. Yet there was still a muffled aching in my throat that I knew would not be gone for long.

"Esme?" Carlisle spoke quietly most likely hoping to not spook me. I let my arms fall to my sides as I turned around.

"I'm, I am okay." Looking down I realized that I had made a mess of the clothes that had been given to me. "I'm sorry." I held my arms out in frustration at the disaster that I was yet again.

"Esme it's okay. You did great, a few pairs of ruined clothing are nothing to fret about." Edward began slowly walking around me, I followed his movements unsure as to what he was doing. "It's okay. I'm just going to bury your kills. We have to cover out tracks but for now we will take care of that." I nodded then turned back to Carlisle as my mind began to clear.

"Carlisle, Edward mentioned a word earlier. Can you explain?"

"Certainly Esme but let us move closer to the house." He took my hand and guided me to the stream. He motioned for me to sit down on a rock as he tore a section off his shirt. He began to gently clean my hands and face. "I assume that the word was newborn. For the first year of your life as a vampire you are considered a newborn. What happens when we change is that our human blood lingers in our tissue for the first year, it can be very medical to understand. With that, comes being stronger and faster than older vampires but you are also ruled by your emotions. For example, when you got angry earlier because Edward asked for your size, that was you being a newborn. Now as a vampire you will be stronger, faster, have better hearing and be more beautiful than any human. They will be drawn to you as they are our ultimate prey."

I shuddered at the thought of hurting a human, of killing them.

"So why do you and Edward hunt animals?" I clasped my hands together hoping that I could stay rational long enough to learn something. Carlisle knelt in front of me and set a hand on top of mine.

"I made the decision a long, long time ago. I was bitten in the 1600's while hunting for vampires. My father was obsessed with ridding the world of evil and he wanted me to follow in his footsteps so he ingrained all his religion in my mind. When I realized what I had become upon waking, I tried to kill myself. I tried drowning, throwing myself off of a cliff, and starving myself. Nothing worked. One night when I was ravenous, I stumbled across a group of deer and I fell upon them. When I came out of the haze I realized that I could feed off of animals and survive. I has taken me many years to get to where I am today but it is possible Esme. Edward has done it and is doing well. I believe with our help you will be able to as well." I watched as he smiled at me, wanting me to know that I was doing well. Instead, I felt completely out of my league. I had so many questions but no idea where to begin. I looked past Carlisle and watched as a butterfly fluttered through a patch of sunlight. Every stroke of its wings caused the pollen in the air to swirl in different patterns. The butterfly's wings were absolutely breathtaking in their beauty and delicacy. It was as if I was seeing the world for the first time. When the butterfly flew out of sight I turned my attention back to Carlisle, having grounded myself once again.

"How long does this newborn stage last?"

"About a year but I believe that with our diet we can get through it more quickly. Most vampires choose to hunt the prey that we were created to hunt, humans. I did not have the heart or the ability to hurt anyone so I was more than happy to live with this 'vegetarian' lifestyle" Carlisle smiled as he said the word most likely at the idea that drinking an animals blood made us vegetarians.

"Do you know how often I will need to feed?" I felt my fear come through in my voice as I hesitated to voice the one question that was still plaguing me.

"I can not say for sure Esme. It is different for everyone of us but know that Edward and I will help you through every step of this. You are no longer alone." I smiled at Carlisle and found myself suddenly hugging him. I stepped away just as quickly, shocked at my impulsiveness and my inability to control most of my actions. Carlisle simply smiled in return, offering me his hand once again. I took it as it was giving me the stability that I needed as my mind raced to grasp everything that this new life had placed at my feet.

We returned to the house, where Edward was waiting for us. He was pleased to see that I was calm and able to think clearly but hovered nearby just in case he was required. Upon entering the living room, I glanced at the furniture which was yet another hurtle that I needed to remove.

"Um Edward?" He gently touched my arm to let me know that he was there. Carlisle had gone to hunt as he needed to keep his strength up to make sure that I stayed in check. "Um, how do I sit?" I was glad that I could no longer blush as I was sure that my cheeks would be redder than a cooked lobster right now.

Edward was unable to hide he laugh and I hid my face behind my hair, embarrassed that I had to relearn things that a toddler could do.

"You just have to think about your movements. Concentrate on the idea that you want to sit, slowly. I broke six chairs before I got the hang of it so don't worry." He smiled as he leaned against the wall, waiting for me to try. I swallowed hard, wishing that Carlisle where here to help me. Yet I knew that depending on someone I had just met was wrong. I took a steadying breath, hoping it would calm me. Sadly, it did not. I walked over to the smaller of the two chairs and stood with my back towards it. I very slowly lowered myself into it, shocked when I hear a shattering noise. I was on my feet before I had registered what had happened. Turning around I saw that the chair was nothing more than a pile of rubble. I found myself stomping my foot and growling in frustration. Suddenly Edward had a hand on my arm.

"It's okay Esme, this is all new. Your body is much stronger and faster than it used to be. It takes time to adjust, do not be hard on yourself." I nodded as my frustration began to grow.

"Perhaps I should practice gentle movements first?" I looked to Edward for approval, needing to know that I was taking the proper steps.

"That sounds like a great place to start. Perhaps you could practice taking a glass out of the cupboards in the kitchen?" That idea sounded wonderful as I had always loved being in the kitchen.

"Cooking! Can we eat?!" I spun around on my toe and knocked Edward to the ground with my enthusiasm. He laughed heartily as he jumped to his feet.

"I am afraid not but I don't see why you can't cook. Perhaps Carlisle could bring it to work for the patients." He simply smiled at me, unfazed by my enthusiasm. I nodded, saddened by this detail but also happy to know that my talents could still be used. I carefully turned around this time and walked into the simple kitchen. Edward simply pointed to the cupboard that held the cups. In a flurry of movements, I stood by the sink, cupboard door broken off in my hand. Edward was doubled over laughing when I heard the front door open and close.

"What on earth is going on in here?" Carlisle walked into the kitchen and took in the scene. He let out a small giggle then straightened his face as he approached me. "Edward that's enough. Esme is trying. Do I need to remind you of the destruction you caused during your first year?"

Edward straightened and wiped the smirk off his face as he took a seat at the table. Carlisle took the door from me and set it on the counter.

"Now, what were you trying to do Esme?"

"I, I broke a chair trying to sit down so Edward and I thought that I could practice being gentle by taking a cup down from the cupboard. In my, um, excitement I tore the cupboard door off." I ducked my head behind my hair, waiting for the blow that I knew would come. Instead I heard a small laugh that gradually began to grow. I peeked out from behind my curtain of hair as Carlisle broke into a full body laugh. As soon as he was able to get it under control he looked me in the eye.

"There is nothing to be ashamed of Esme! Your strength is new and you must learn every aspect of it. I apologize for laughing but I was picturing the look on your face when you realized what you had done. How are you feeling?" I hesitated not sure what he meant then it dawned on me. My thirst.

"Actually I think I could go hunting again, if that's okay." Carlisle nodded, and Edward was out the door in an instant. It had only been three hours since my last meal but I found that my throat was beginning to burn once again. As soon as Edward returned we all went off into the woods.

Running was my new favorite thing to do, it felt close to flying. I could see everything as clear as if I was standing directly in front of it. I spotted squirrels chasing each other in a friendly fashion and giggled at the sight. Perhaps there was actually some good that could come of this life. Shortly after I scented something interesting, it smelled better than the deer but still off. I decided to follow the scent and suddenly heard a roar. I growled in response and leaped, sinking my teeth into its neck as I wrapped my arms around at the same time. Wrenching, I heard a crack. The flavor was better than the small bob cat and made the burning reduce. As I pulled my head back, I saw Carlisle standing barely three feet away, horror covering his face. Edward was next to him, holding him back, from me? I stood up and glanced down, shrieking when I realized what I had killed.

"A bear?!" I leapt back and began furiously rubbing my hands on the trousers hoping that I could remove any trace of it.

"Yes Esme and I must say you scared me. I did not expect you to go after something, so large." I watched as Edward let him go and he slowly approached me. He placed a hand on either arm and shook me, gently. "Never do that again." Before I could respond he was crushing me against him. He quickly broke away and then took my hand, leading me back to the house.

"Carlisle?" He turned his head a little so that I knew he was listening. "Would it be too much to ask for some clothing? I don't mind wearing Edward's old clothes but I would be much more comfortable in something better fitting." I grimaced, feeling awful for asking something of the people I had just met.

"Of course Esme. I shall go into town as soon as the stores open tomorrow and get you what you need. I'm afraid I am going to need your size though." I looked away still embarrassed to be in a house with two strange men.

"Could I write it down for the store clerk? I, I am not comfortable giving you that information." I slipped my hand out of his and stepped away, wanting to run.

"No Esme. You need to stay with us for at least the first year. After that it is up to you whether or not you decide to stay with Carlisle and I. For now, you are our responsibility. You can trust us." I looked at Edward still not understanding how he knew so much. It was like he could read my mind. "I can Esme. Carlisle did not want to mention it before simply because you had a lot of information to process. Some vampires have abilities that are considered supernatural. I can read minds and no I cannot turn it off or stop. Carlisle has a theory that our human traits that are very strong come through and are enhanced by the change. Not all abilities appear right away." He simply smiled at me as I opened and closed my mouth several times unsure what to say.

"Edward I think that is more than enough for Esme for today. Would you like to try the glasses again?" I nodded and quickly walked into the kitchen, wanting to be alone. I stopped in front of the open cupboard, still shocked that I had the strength to rip a door off without even trying. I was a monster that needed blood to survive, I was a killer. I had ended my own life and become a killer instead. God had certainly abandoned me completely this time.


	9. Acceptance

**The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer but the story is my own.**

My first day as a vampire was over, and I was pleased that I had made it through. Carlisle had promised that I would have some ladies clothing as soon as the stores opened. I had been hunting three times since I had awakened, which seemed to worry Carlisle and Edward. I assumed that Carlisle was still working at the hospital, so I wondered how he was going to get away with stealing my body, my dead body, from the morgue. I was dead. I laughed at the irony as I gently replaced the cup into the cupboard. Laying around me were the shattered ruminants of the eleven other glasses that I had been practicing on. This was the last one and it had survived me for the last two hours. Edward had decided to go to his room after watching me shatter the first six. Carlisle had stayed, encouraging me until I got it right. As the clock had chimed eight he had left to go and get ready for a day on the town.

"Esme?" He entered the kitchen and smiled at me as he approached. "I am going out for about an hour or so. Edward is going to stay here with you. I also have to stop by the hospital to let them know that a family emergency is going to take me out of town for at least two weeks. Do you have the list?" I nodded and handed him the paper which was in a sealed envelope.

"Thank you Carlisle, for everything." I smiled, still afraid of myself.

"Do you like any colors in particular? I would like to at least get you something that you will like." His thoughtfulness touched me and I smiled even wider.

"Yes, I love yellow and anything that has purple in it. I, I used to make all my own clothing as it was cheaper to buy the material than the actual clothing. I wonder what it will be like to wear store bought clothing." I couldn't help but brighten at the idea as I had never had the luxury.

"Well then I will let the shop ladies know. Please do not hesitate to ask for anything that you need while here darling." He took my right hand and kissed the back before silently leaving the house. Carlisle was turning out to be the gentleman that I had always dreamed. Wait, Edward.

"It's okay Esme, I will not tell him your private thoughts. They are yours and yours alone. I may be able to hear them but I would only ever tell Carlisle if I thought you were a danger to yourself." His voice was just above a whisper but I could hear him plain as day.

"Thank you Edward, it means a lot to me. I have only ever had, solace within my mind and I am glad to know that my personal thoughts will stay personal." I heard him chuckle as he turned a page and returned to his reading.

My throat was beginning to itch again but I knew that I had to wait until Carlisle returned just in case a human was outside and I caught their scent. Even though I was aware that I should be craving human blood I had no want to ever hurt another human being. I actually hoped to be like Carlisle someday and use this life to help those around me. Carlisle, the most amazing man to ever walk this earth. He had a heart larger than any I had ever seen. His kindness was unending and he was so gentle with me, especially when my mind was in complete turmoil. I could not lie he was also an incredibly handsome man. His eyes were the most unique shade of golden that I had ever seen. His smile lit an entire room with little effort and made everything lighter. For some reason I knew that I could trust him with my life, with me no matter how broken I felt I was.

I had been concentrating so hard on my task at hand that Edward startled me when he entered.

"I noticed that you were getting distracted. Would you care to go hunting?" He offered his arm but carefully watched my reaction.

"Alone? Should we not wait for Carlisle?" I felt fear flutter inside of me at the thought that I could slip up and hurt someone.

"We won't go far. Trust yourself." I slipped my arm through his, smiling. Edward was a wonderful young man and he seemed to hold Carlisle in high regard.

"Edward, how old are you?" The question slipped from my mouth as soon as it crossed my mind. My free hand jumped up to cover my mouth as I was never this rude when I was human!

"It's okay Esme! Please do not be embarrassed. Your mind works much faster now and things that you think will sometime pop out before you can process them. I would be twenty-two now if I was still aging. Carlisle found me dying in the hospital and he turned me, I was seventeen." He watched my face as I processed this information.

"Wait, we never age?" I froze in my tracks, as I realized that I would look like this forever. Hold it, I did not even know what I looked like!"

"We have one mirror but Carlisle took it down as he did not want your reflection to scare you. No you are not a monster as you have pictured. It is just that your eyes are not golden like ours, they are red due to the blood that is still within your body. It can be quiet startling with everything else." I nodded and took a small sniff, hoping that something to eat would be close to home. I caught a small whiff of dear and took off in that direction. Edward stayed as close to me as he could, not wanting to let me get away. I quickly finished the deer and stood, wiping my hands clean of dirt. I had quickly figured out that I needed to bury my own kills rather than depend on others to do so for me. Edward was not far off, burying his own kill. I watched him, still in awe of how amazing we were.

"Are you ready Edward?" I smiled as I fiddled with my shirt tails, waiting. He nodded and took one leap, landing next to me. I shrieked in shock and delight.

"Try it! Think of where I was and jump. Go." He gave me a slight push and I jumped. I landed on a tree and snapped it in half, a crash echoing through the forest. I immediately felt embarrassed that I had over stepped where I had been aiming. Would this ever get easier!

"Yes Esme, with time." Edward helped me out of the rubble and laughed as he pulled pine needles and small branches out of my hair. "Let's go home."

"Race you!" I screamed at Edward as I bolted towards the house. I could hear his booming laughter behind me and I could not help the laugh that escaped me. As soon as the house came into view I saw Carlisle watching us from the front doorstep. I slowed and waved before bounding over to him.

"You seem to have had fun. I have a surprise for you." He gently placed me in front of him and slipped something soft over my eyes. I gasped, slightly afraid but trusting him. He gently placed a hand on both sides of my body and guided me forward. I willed myself to move, as excitement began to grow. He suddenly stopped and pulled off the blindfold. In front of me was a small room that had been used as storage, it was off the kitchen. Instead if boxes, the room now had a table and chair with shelves lining one wall. A lamp was over the table, casting a bright light through the room. On the table was a beautiful, up to date sewing machine. "When you said that you had never worn store bought clothing and then spoke about making clothing, your face lite up. I was able to get it second hand so do not worry if you break it or any parts. I also got some string and different materials for you. It's yours, I wanted you to have your own space here while you adapt to being you."

I turned to Carlisle and threw my arms around him. He wrapped his arms around me in return and kissed the top of my head. I let go and stepped back, ashamed of my display of affection to a man that I barely knew.

"Carlisle, could I see myself?" I stepped back and looked to the ground, afraid of his answer. He gently touched my chin with a finger and raised my head until I was looking him in the eyes.

"There is no need to be afraid of me Esme. You can ask anything that you want. Yes you may. I overheard that part of your conversation and already put the mirror back up. It's in the bathroom just down the hall." I took a deep breath then walked down the hall and opened the door. As I lifted my eyes the woman that was staring back at me was amazing. My skin had always been pale but it was now almost white. My hair had gained a cooper color along with auburn highlights but my eyes. I shuddered as I looked at the deep red color that was staring back at me. I now understood why Carlisle had decided to remove the mirror as I would have been even more terrified by the way that I now looked. I returned to the kitchen satisfied that I was beautiful rather than the monster I had pictured. Perhaps this life would not be so bad after all.

"I also got you some dresses for now. The bags are on my bed upstairs. Please go look and anything that you don't like I will return." I smiled at Carlisle, wishing I felt comfortable enough to voice my thoughts. Instead I spun on my heel and ran up the steps, feeling like a teenager on her way to her first Church dance. I made sure to gently close the door, finding it easier to keep my strength in check. I looked at the bed and felt my eyebrows raise as I took in all the parcels. I made a quick count and threw the door open, landing at the bottom of the stairs with no effort.

"Carlisle!" Edward and he both appeared immediately panicked expressions on their faces. "You, you bought way too much! There are at least thirteen bags on the bed!" I placed my hands on my hips as I tried my best to glare at him.

"Well if that's all this is." Edward gently smacked Carlisle on the shoulder and left the room. Carlisle snarled gently at him then turned back to me, shaking his head.

"Esme darling, it is my job to look after you. When I changed you, you became my responsibility. I have nothing in this house for a woman. I had to get you underclothing as well as shoes. Everything is simple and practical and I was assured by the sales women that it was everything you would need. I told them my sister had lost all of her clothing in a house fire. I did not find it unreasonable. Please, go back up and try some of it on." He smiled as I glared at him, still not sure where I stood.

"Carlisle, I can't! It is too much!" He placed a finger over my mouth causing me to stop talking.

"Enough. I will not hear another word. Go." He pointed up the stairs and I stuck my tongue out at him before returning to the bedroom. I opened the first bag and found two beautiful dresses, one a stunning pale blue and the other a simple pale green. There was a matching belt for the green dress and shoes, the same color. The shoes were simple with only slight heels and adorable little buckles. The third bag held five blouses in an arraignment of colors wile the next held some skirts. I also found enough undergarments to last me a week as well as three more pairs of shoes. I discovered a full body pink dress that was for an evening out to a fancy event. Along with two coats, one made for cold weather and one for cool weather. I dressed in the green dress and headed back downstairs, putting the shoes on as an afterthought.

Carlisle was still waiting at the bottom of the stairs and gave a nod when he saw me.

"It's lovely Carlisle. Thank you." I gave him a hug and then spun around, wanting him to get the full effect.

"The color suits you Esme. I am pleased that you like everything. I put all the other items in your room. Would you like to try out the machine?" I nodded and headed off, glad to be alone for the first time since I had awoken. As I had not gotten tired yet, I figured that we most likely did not sleep as Edward and Carlisle had not even made a move towards the bedrooms. I sat in front of the machine, stunned at the fact that I had my own sewing machine. Charles had, wait Charles? I tried to remember him and all I was unable to picture anything beside a fuzzy face. I could not even remember his eye color. I remembered that he had been the worst person I had ever met. He used to beat me and rape, yes Esme, rape me. Yet he was fading. I was glad that I struggled to remember him as I wanted to put that part of my history behind me. I had a chance, a new life and I wanted to embrace it with everything that I could. I would not waste this opportunity that Carlisle had given to me, this gift of a new life.


	10. For Love

I had been with Carlisle and Edward for two weeks now. My thirst was beginning to slow down, at least enough that Carlisle was able to return to work for eight hour days. I had taken some of the material that he had gotten, a nice dark blue and made Carlisle a nice sweater for work. He had been shocked that I had thought of it and Edward had been kind enough to "borrow" one of his shirts for me to use as a guide. I had been honored when he had left the house wearing it this morning. I was settling into this life with ease. While I still mourned the loss of my son, I was beginning to see my relationship with Edward becoming that of a parent and child. While I figured that Carlisle would never see me as anything more than a child, Edward definitely needed a mother figure in his life. He could be impulsive and rash at times allowing his tone to hurt when he was not using his mind. I had reprimanded him harshly when he had almost broken Carlisle one afternoon simply by being a teenager. After they had worked everything out, he had come to me and thanked me for putting him back in his place. We had a long conversation about his mother that afternoon which needed with him promising that he would always come to me when he needed to talk.

Edward had needed to go out for a short hunt himself this morning as he had overheard some of Carlisle's more medical thoughts. I had understood and sworn that I would stay in the house, holding my breath until he returned. While I was now breathing, it was shallow for fear that something would go wrong. I returned my attention back to my sewing, working on curtains for the kitchen as this house had been rather bare when I had woken. Now it was beginning to feel like a home rather than simply a place to stay. I began to hum my favorite Church hymns, enjoying the mindless task that sewing offered me. A snap, caught my attention and I flew to the living room. I pulled back a corner of the curtain and looked out, seeing nothing. I figured that it was safe as we were an hour's drive away from the main town and people almost never ventured this far out. I opened the door and stepped outside, thinking that Edward was playing games with me.

"Edward?" I kept one hand on the door frame as I hesitantly took a sniff. Then it hit me. The sweetest smell I had ever come across. I took a deeper breath and found myself stepping away from the house. The aroma was one of fresh strawberry's and a misty afternoon and I was completely drawn towards it. I felt my venom begin to flow as the monster reared its head. With a snarl I bolted towards the scent, grabbing hold of whatever animal it was with all I had. I heard a scream but only snarled in response, burying my teeth into its neck. The blood was so sweet and warm, instantly soothing ever inch of my itching throat. It was thicker than anything else I had had before and all I wanted was more. As the animal ran dry, I pulled my head back and a silent scream escaped me. A young man lay before me; his mouth open in a scream that he never had the chance to utter. In horror, I dropped his corpse and ran back to the house, slamming the door with all my strength, splintering it into shards. I made my way to the closet under the stairs and curled into a ball, shaking in fear of my inner monster.

CPOV

I had been hesitant leaving Esme alone with Edward this morning but they had both assured me that everything would be fine. I had been rather pleased with Esme's progress but I had never seen anything like her thirst before. She was averaging eight kills a day when she first awoke and was always on edge. Thankfully she was down to four but I was pretty certain that she was lying to me about being satisfied. I wanted to protect her in all things and sometimes wished that I could take away her pain but I knew better. All I could was support her in anyway that I could.

A knock on my office door brought my attention back to work at hand. Nurse Leon popped her head around the door with a rather pale looking face.

"Dr. Cullen, your son just called and said that there has been some kind of hunting accident at home. Should I send an ambulance?" Fear instantly shot through me as I realized that I had come back to work too soon.

"No, that is alright. If it is too serious I will bring him here. Thank you." I smiled at her as I grabbed my keys and headed down to the car port. I knew that I couldn't leave my car here but the drive would be agonizing. I drove as quickly as I dared, knowing that I had a lot to deal with when I got there.

Edward was waiting for me outside the house, blood covering his shirt and arms. He hands were holding pieces of the front door, which was covering the front yard. I quickly went to his side, looking him over to make sure that he was not hurt.

"I'm fine Carlisle, although I can't get near her. I have tried but each time she tried to attack me, screaming that she wants to be alone. She killed a young man, I took his body miles away and buried it, throwing his wallet into a ravine. Carlisle," He put a hand on my shoulder as I went to enter the house. "I'm not sure she will recover from this." I nodded, then took a deep breath, smelling her on this floor. The hall closet door was open and I could hear sobbing coming from within. I stepped up to the door and stopped, wanting Esme to smell me so I did not startle her.

"Esme darling, its Carlisle. Edward told me what happened, it's okay. You have done nothing wrong, may I come in?" I heard nails being dragged across wood as she dragged herself forward. A snarl sounded as she grabbed the door and closed it. I sighed, knowing that I was in for a long day. "Esme, you did what is natural to our kind. While we try, the first year of our lives is the hardest for us to resist. You were not doing anything that you are not made to do."

"I'm a MONSTER!" Her scream echoed through the house as I heard her begin to drag her nails across her skin. Without hesitating, I threw open the door and pulled her into my arms. She growled at me and began to hit me, trying to get away. I simply held on, knowing that she needed comfort more than anything at this time. She bit down on my shoulder, tearing my suit and ripping a piece off. I bit back my snarl and simply sat on the floor, gathering her into my lap and rocking her like small child. Edward entered the house and sat across from me, simply waiting it out. I leaned my head against the wall and waited for her anger to fade. She continued to try and claw at herself, to the point that Edward had to restrain her hands. She was lost in the agony and he was struggling with her thoughts. As the clock chimed midnight, she finally pulled away, calm enough to sit on a chair in the living room while Edward and I replaced the door and cleaned up. I ran a bath, making sure to put her favorite lavender water in before returning to her side.

"Come Esme, you will feel much better when you are clean. Staying in this state will not help you to move on. Come." She put her hand in mine, mindlessly following as I led her to the bathroom. Edward had put a nightgown and towel in the bathroom, making sure that my bed was ready when she was finished. While we did not sleep, he had seen that when bad things happened she tended to retreat to her room to work through everything. I kissed her on the forehead before leaving and closing the door. I made sure to pull a chair up outside so I would be there is she needed anything.

EsPOV

I slipped out of my clothing, tossing them into the far corner so that the smell was as far away from me as possible. As I gently touched the bath water, I found that the water was hot, just the way I had been hoping it would be. I slid into it, inviting the water to boil me alive. When all I felt was comfort, I slide beneath the water, settling my head on the bottom. It was odd that my lungs did not scream for air especially when I wished to die. After a time, the water began to become cloudy with the blood that was being washed off my skin. I sat up, grabbing the cloth and soap. I scrubbed my skin as hard as I could, angered when it did not even turn red. I screamed as I threw the wet cloth at the wall. With a thud, it broke through hitting Carlisle and causing him to startle. While the hole was small, I was still shocked at my strength. A light rapping at the door told me that I was not alone.

"Is everything alright Esme?" Carlisle cleared his throat, most likely from embarrassment.

"Yes, sorry." I grabbed the bottle of shampoo and began to vigorously scrub at my hair, ignoring the slight hammering as Carlisle covered the hole. As I dunked under the water one last time, I prayed for the strength to find a way through this or to die. I quickly dressed and then made my way into the room that had become mine. I stared at the bed and felt the anger within me begin to rise once again. With one hand I grabbed the frame and threw it into the wall. Sliding to the floor, I drew my knees up against my chest and buried myself within my pain.

I heard the door creak open after a while but I did not raise my head. Someone sat next to me on the floor and placed an arm over my shoulders.

"I remember my first accident well. Carlisle has never been as fast when it comes to running and with the extra newborn strength, I left him behind with ease. I was being stupid thinking that at a month old I could go near the human hiking trails and resist. I came across a young man with a young lady and I ended up killing them both. When Carlisle found me, I was cradling the woman in my arms, silent. He had to make it look like a bear attack and was able to get me home. I must have stayed inside for a month, denying myself all blood in punishment for taking not one but two human lives. That was a mistake for the thirst became my enemy and when I finally allowed myself I became lost. I drank almost an entire herd of deer before I felt sated. What I am trying to say Esme, is that punishing yourself for a mistake that you had no control over is wrong. You have done nothing wrong and all you can do is work towards the future." I lifted my head slightly and placed it on Edward's shoulder, knowing that he was right.

"Does it really get easier?"

"With time. I know that I will never forget their faces but with time I have come to realize that the nature I have been given is a challenge. The fact that Carlisle teaches us to respect human life is so far outside what we are the he is never angry when mistakes happen as he is fully aware that not everyone has his ability. I was so upset with myself for the longest time but I have been able to let it go with the forgiveness that Carlisle has given me. He forgives you and like me, you must forgive yourself." He gently wrapped me in a hug before leaving me alone yet again. I sat contemplating his words. I realized that he was right, not once had Carlisle displayed any anger towards me, only compassion and love. I decided right then and there that I would never take another life and would always remember the man who had died at my hands.

I quickly dressed and returned downstairs to find Carlisle sitting in the living room with his head in his hands. Without a word, I knelt in front of him and took his hands within mine. He opened his mouth to say something but I quickly pressed a finger to his lips.

"It is my turn to speak. I have been in this new life for two weeks and have yet to thank you. I was filled with despair when I jumped from that cliff because my baby boy, my Thomas, had died only three days after being born. I told everyone that I had met while I was pregnant that my husband had been killed during the war but it was a lie. I was still married to a man by the name of Charles Evenson, but there was no way that I could ever raise a child under his roof. During our courtship he had been an amazing man, he drew in everyone around him and even my parents fell in love with him. So when he proposed, I felt that I had to say yes. The wedding planning went forward and before I knew it, I was his wife. From then on, I felt as if God had abandoned me but I knew that I had to be a good wife and try to help Charles to control his anger. I am still not sure how or why he did, but when his temper went out of control he would take his anger out on me. I learned quickly that not even my mother would help me and that I was supposed to control his anger. Carlisle, after living here for two weeks with two men that I have never known, I see now that my mother was wrong. I do not deserve to be beaten or to feel that God has abandoned me when He has not. Instead, He sent you to give me a second chance and to find the life that I should have had. Today was simply a step in the wrong direction, maybe it was even a test to see how much I have learned in the two weeks that I have been truly living. Thank you for being God's hand and allowing me to stay with you until I am able to live amongst humans once again." I took a small breath as I waited for Carlisle to process this information. He simply smiled at me as he wrapped his large hands around my two dainty one's.

"Thank you for telling me all of that. I still remember the day when you were brought into the emergency room all those years ago. Your mother was a rather terrifying presence but you shone like the sun. Your heart and kindness made you stand out among a crowd. I was surprised that a young woman had thought to try and save some baby birds when everyone else would have simply turned away. I knew then and there that you were meant for an amazing future. When I discovered that it was you in the morgue, barely clinging to life, I found that I could not just walk away. I know that perhaps it was selfish of me but I could not allow such an amazing life to be snuffed out. I hope that you feel comfortable here and will stay with Edward and I, perhaps we can make something more out of this coven."

"Coven?" The word was new and I had not heard him refer to us as that before.

"It is the word that vampire's use for people in a group. I tend to prefer family but perhaps we are not there yet." Before I could pause to think through my action, I gently brought my hand up to Carlisle's face and tipped it down towards me. I sat up and pressed my lips to his, surprised at the desire that immediately coursed through me. When he did nothing in return, I pulled away, finding the far wall behind my back. As embarrassment coursed through me, I bolted out the front door wanting to get as far away as I could, from the man that I was falling in love with.

CPOV

Anger was flaring through me as I listened to Esme recount the horrors that she had faced since I had last seen her ten years ago. I had always believed that violence was wrong in any situation and that those who felt it was right did not deserve to be around others. I was shocked that her family had condoned her husband beating her! She should have been able to find support and help from her mother but she had simply been turned away. As we continued to speak, my mind was racing, trying to figure out the best way to kill the man who had ever dared lay a hand on my Esme.

Suddenly her lips were pressing against mine and I felt a stirring inside of myself, an animalistic voice was roaring, wanting to lay claim to her but I was frozen. She pulled away, the hurt flashing across her face as she fled, most likely assuming that I did not feel anything for her. I felt myself rise to my feet as a slight growl escaped my throat. What on earth was I doing? She was not mine anymore than Edward belonged to me but there was a part of me that wanted her more than anything. So I followed, needing to speak with her once again. Her scent was easy to follow as I had found myself desiring it whenever we were apart. I had turned her out of compassion but was now finding that perhaps there had been selfish undertones that I had not been open to listening to. The trail suddenly stopped and I found myself looking in every direction trying desperately to find her.

"Esme!" I screamed with every ounce of my being, needing her to be near me once again. I spun around once more to find her standing behind me, her red eyes open and afraid.

"Yes?" She was hesitant, afraid of rejection after everything that she had been through. I would not be the person to reject her. I took her shaking body into my arms and simply held her. I felt her arms snake around my neck as she tilted her head back and looked into my eyes. I saw all the hope and desperation that filled her, shining through her eyes. I leaned down and kissed her, softly, hesitantly. When I finally broke away, I knew that I could never truly be apart from this amazing woman again.


	11. Beginnings of a Family

I looked into Carlisle's eyes and felt a desire beginning to grow within me. His arms were a comfort, wrapping around my waist with ease as if they were meant to be there. I could see a hungry within his eyes, yet he was calm and gentle. We had kissed once and he was not pushing for more, knowing that I needed to move at my own pace. Taking a breath, I placed my head on his chest, enjoying the peace that I felt growing within me.

"Esme?" His voice vibrated through his chest bone and I felt myself trying to cuddle closer.

"Hmm?" I did not wish to speak because I was afraid that I would break the magic of this moment.

"Is it possible?" A small laugh escaped me as I pulled away. I reached up and took his face in my hands, wanting him to know that I was serious.

"I think it is Carlisle. I have never felt such a strong desire to be near someone before. I have found that I simply wait for you to return when you leave and I go to the rooms where your scent is strongest. I can not say that I know what is going on but I do know that there is something here and I would like to explore it with you by my side." I felt my breath catch in my throat as I spoke the last words, afraid that I had overstepped my boundaries.

"Esme Evenson, are you asking me out?" A smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he tried to speak in a stern voice.

"Why yes I am." I stood on my tip toes and kissed him before slipping from his arms. With a laugh I ran towards the house and could hear Carlisle give chase. Before the house came into view I felt his arms snake around my waist, drawing me against him.

"Oh Esme, I just want to hold you forever." He kissed the back of my head before letting me go and taking my hand. I knew that Edward must have figured out our feelings by now but he had been true to his word and never spoken to either of us. I adored him for his silence and was beginning to see why Carlisle had chosen to spare his life. The love that Carlisle and Edward had developed was enviable and I hoped that someday Carlisle could learn to love me with the same vigor that he put into his love of work and Edward.

I opened the front door, which Edward had been so kind to replace, and was shocked to see a dozen roses sitting in a vase on the hallway table. I dropped Carlisle's hand and quickly picked up the note. The handwriting was beautiful and I smiled as I read Edward's note.

 _Dear Esme,_

 _I approve whole heartedly and wish you and Carlisle the best. I have left for the evening so you two may talk in private._

 _Love, your new son,_

 _Edward._

I felt Carlisle gently set his hand on my shoulder as I read. A light chuckle sounded behind me as Carlisle gently kissed the back of my head.

"It would seem that Edward knows more than we do." I turned to look at Carlisle as I tried to keep a straight face, hoping to admonish Carlisle for his presumptions.

"And what exactly would he know? You are a proper gentleman are you not?" I snaked away from him, squealing in delight as he gave chase. He caught me around the waist and threw me over his shoulder, as laughter erupted from both of us. With a growl, he bolted out the door and into the woods, pausing ever few moments to make sure that there were no humans near by. After several moments, he set me on my feet and spun me in circles. When I came to a stand still it was as if I was cocooned within his scent. It was the first time that I had felt safe since Charles had come into my life. Even when he was gone to war, I never felt entirely safe, always afraid that I would awaken some morning and he would be there. Now, I knew, without the words ever being spoken that Carlisle would never allow anyone to hurt me ever again. I had found a true family and the hope that I was finally where I belonged. I turned to find Carlisle watching me, waiting for some kind of reaction or word. I simply smiled and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. The wind carried the scent of a herd of deer and as soon as I caught it, I bolted towards the herd, Carlisle on my heels. I tackled the first deer and was on my second when I heard a noise, a growl behind me.

"Esme, hold your breath. NOW." I stopped drinking and snapped my mouth shut, telling my lungs to not breath. I found myself being pulled to my feet as Carlisle took my hand in his. "We need to run. Focus on me." I nodded knowing that I could not take another life. We bolted for the house and as soon as we arrived, I was shoved through the door. I took a careful sniff and when I found it was safe, gulped air into my lungs even though there was no need.

"Oh Esme I am so sorry. I am so stupid!" Carlisle punched the wall beside him and a large section of the drywall went flying into the living room.

"No! You are not stupid! People rarely come out here, you told me that. Never call yourself stupid!" I took his face between my hands and made him look into my eyes. "You are amazing Carlisle, a doctor! Vampires were made to drink human blood and here you are working in a hospital saving lives everyday instead! You are the most brilliant person I have ever met." I pressed my lips against his with great force, needing him to know that he could never, in any way, be stupid.

"Thank you. That is not entirely what I meant. I should have been more careful; the police have been alerted that he is missing. They are now searching the woods. I am afraid that we are going to have to move." I stumbled back and felt the wall of despair slam into me once again. This was not Carlisle or Edwards fault; no this was entirely mine. I had lost control and killed someone and now they, we, were threatened. I stumbled when the back of my legs hit the chair and I sat down with ease. I felt as if the wind had been knocked from my lungs. Carlisle was gone, most likely packing the house while I was frozen in a state of shock. Then the memory hit me.

 _I was washing Charles shirts in the kitchen. He had gone to a work dinner last night and had gotten a wine stain in his favorite. While he had been upset, he had simply asked if there was anyway that I could get the stain out. I had promised that I would try my best as I knew how much he loved this shirt. It was currently hanging to dry, the stain still in the fabric. I had tried every way that I knew to remove the stain but it would not come out. I had extra fabric of the same kind and knew that I could make him another. I just hoped that it would make him as happy as if I had gotten the stain out._

" _Esme?" The front door closed gently and I heard him put away his coat and briefcase. He entered the kitchen and stopped. I continued wringing out the shirt that I was working on before I turned to greet him. He had the shirt in his hands and I swallowed, suddenly afraid for my life._

" _Could you not get it out? Did you even try!" He threw the shirt at me and let out the most feral noise that I had ever heard uttered. I felt his hand wrap around my neck as he shoved me to my knees. As my head became submerged under the water, I felt the wall begin building its final sections as despair became locked within my heart._

I could not remember if he had knocked me out by keeping my head under the water but I knew that there was an evil within that man that still haunted me. I had become something that many would view as a monster but I knew that nothing within me, even the craving of human blood, could ever make me anything like Charles. I took a deep breath and made myself walk up the room that had become mine. A suitcase was laid out on the bed and I quickly folded my dresses and skirts and put them away. I grabbed my other items and snapped it shut, glancing around one last time before I grabbed the handle and headed downstairs. I placed it beside Carlisle and Edward's luggage and went to find Carlisle. He was in his office, boxing his books and articles. He did not even glance up when I walked in.

"Do you need any help?" I found myself wringing my hands, wanting to make sure that we were ready to leave as soon as Edward returned.

"I am almost done but if you would like to box the final two shelves I would not mind. I will write the proper information on the boxes when you are done." He smiled at me before moving to the next box, pen in hand. I grabbed an empty box, he must have built them from storage, and I began gently and neatly stacking the books within. I noticed that the shelf I was working on was all in Greek or Latin. I smiled, awed at the fact that Carlisle was such a smart man. It took us less than an hour to complete the office. Carlisle refused to allow me to carry any boxes downstairs and made me stay out of the manly duty. I simply shook my head and returned to the living room, knowing that there was nothing left for me to do.

"I called the library at the University and got a hold of Edward. He is going to return as soon as he can without raising suspicion." He sat on the couch next to me and took my hand within his.

"Where are we going to go?" I imagined us moving to a place that was cold and dark, perhaps the Artic.

"I am not sure right now Esme. I would like to discuss it with both you and Edward before a final decision is made. I am not the only one here with a mind able to make decisions." He smiled again and sat back, crossing his legs out of habit. "I was thinking Cleveland Ohio. They just finished building their hospital and are in need of doctors. I could work the night shift so that someone is always home with you." He turned to me, hoping for my input.

"That is awfully close to where I grew up Carlisle. I am not sure that it will be safe but I must admit that I long to be home once again." I smiled remembering the beauty that I had left behind.

"Well you are not going to be able to go outside of the house for a while darling. You need to gain strength when it comes to ignoring the call of human blood which will take time. I will also secure a house that is a distance from the town as we need the privacy. I think that perhaps for now, even if it is only for a couple of years that would be the best place for us. I shall ask Edward." I nodded and simply sat, waiting. It did not take very long before I could hear his footsteps. I stood, going to the door wanting to greet him. He flew through the door almost tripping over in surprise that it had opened before he touched the knob. I laughed, catching him and straightening him out before letting go.

"I am so sorry Edward! Are you okay?" I gently straightened his coat before stepping away.

"It's okay Esme, I am not used to having a woman in the house just yet. I should have known you would want to greet me." He smiled, giving me a quick hug before entering the living room.

"I think that is a fine plan for now. I am sure that you and I can keep Esme safe and if her family does come poking around, we can pick up and move again."

"Good, then I shall call the realtor and get us a home." Carlisle went into the kitchen and I looked at Edward, wondering why he was so agreeable to simply moving away from his life.

"Carlisle is both my father and my friend. I do not see myself apart from him and now you. There is nothing here that I can not have elsewhere. Perhaps I can even take a college course in Cleveland." He smiled before wandering outside, taking the suitcases to load the car.

Carlisle had everything arranged within an hour and we all piled into the car, ready to begin the next chapter of our new lives.


	12. First Move

**Hello Readers, I apologize for the lack of updates lately but life has been in the way. I recently graduated from my first degree and then I got a student summer position that has been taking up most of my time. Finally, I have been planning my wedding! Anyways, I apologize for the time it had taken me to get this chapter to you! I shall try to update more often but no promises! Enjoy!**

I sat in the car and let out a small sigh as I glanced out the window once again. Edward was sitting next to me, reading yet another book as we waited. I found my want to open the door and step into the world once again pulling at me. The smell of human had long gone stale within the car and I took a small breath to refill my lungs.

"Edward?" I glanced toward him as I hesitated, needing to express my desire. He glanced up, closing the book around his finger.

"Yes Esme?" He smiled, most likely because he had already seen what I wanted to ask.

"How long did it take you to be able to handle being around people? I so wish to be able to go shopping or even for a simple walk in town once again." I felt myself wringing my hands, an old habit when I had been afraid of what Charles would do. Edward reached over and placed a hand over mine.

"It took a while but I had things to distract me. I was young when Carlisle chose to turn me so my teenage mindset was still there when I woke up. I wanted to fight everything that now was but Carlisle had the patience to deal with me. I guess that I did not find the thirst to be the most challenging but rather dealing with hearing everyone's thoughts. Carlisle made the decision to move myself and he to a remote cabin where no one ever came until I learned how to handle his mental voice. Once I had achieved that we moved back to the home that he had originally lived in. It took time but it happened. You are young to this life Esme, be patient."

"I shall remember that when the trivial things begin to pull at me once again." He returned to hi book as I looked out the window. We had stopped in town for Carlisle to get the keys and sign the remaining papers to our new home. He had left Edward in the back seat with me in case my thirst overcame my ability to think rationally, Edward was there to restrain me. Carlisle had stopped twice on the way here to allow me to get out and stretch my legs. He was so patient with me, helping me to hunt and never allowing me to loose who I am.

I glanced towards the store shop and saw Carlisle shaking hands with the man who he had been talking to for the last half hour. He excited the store and nodded. I took a deep breath and stopped breathing altogether. He opened the door and slide into the car as quickly as he dared without drawing suspicion. As the door closed, I went to speak but Edward shook his head. The scent of human must have been too strong. Carlisle reached back and I took his hand, wishing he would speak. Something to fill this silence.

"So is everything in place Carlisle?" Edward smiled at me and I nodded in return, glad that he was a mind reader when I was unable to speak for myself. Frustration was beginning to be my most common companion lately. I hated that I now longed to kill others, when it was my deepest desire. I used to be such a gentle soul, someone who caught and released flies that got caught in the house.

"Esme?" Edwards's voice broke through my thoughts and I turned to look at him. His hand was over mine and he gently pulled my fingers out of the seat. I gasped as I realized that while I had been dwelling within my mind, I had been using the seat to release my frustrations. I stared down at the indent that I had created, horrified that I was now capable of inflicting such damage. I looked down at my perfect hands. The nails were perfectly rounded and just the right length to flatter my long, slender fingers. There was not a blemish in sight, from the perfect nail beds which used to be riddled with hangnails to the veins that barely showed beneath the flesh. If it could even be called flesh anymore. I had quickly discovered that the only thing capable of penetrating it was the teeth of another vampire. It had to be the hardest thing on the planet yet it looked so beautiful. I pulled away from Edward, trying to put as much space between us as I could. I had no desire to be comforted or spoken to right now.

I watched each tree move by as we drove further and further out of town. The houses became further and further apart until I was looking at just the tree's that surrounded the road. Carlisle slowed the car, turning down a long and winding driveway with a simple mailbox marking the where the turn off was. Number eight-hundred and sixty-five was where I now resided. I had no idea what story Carlisle had made up for the agent that he purchased the home from. He couldn't say that I was his wife, no that would be wrong especially in his mind. Yet I would never be able to pass as his sister. Perhaps he said that Edward and I were his adopted children, or his niece and nephew. I blew some air out my nose wanting to run. Just run.

The handle was in my hand before I even had a moment to think. I heard Edward yell something behind me but I was already gone. I kicked my shoes off and pushed myself even harder. I had no desires right now beyond running. I needed something that allowed me to escape from who I now was. The Esme that I had always been seemed so far away, as if she was creeping further and further out of my grasp with each passing moment. I took a small breath, praying to whoever was listening, that there would be no humans near by. Instead, I got a whiff of the salty ocean. I turned myself towards it, wanting to go and wade through the shallows, allowing the water to seep into my dead skin. As soon as the moss was replaced by sand under my feet, I slowed to a walk. Thankfully the sun had gone down over and hour ago so there would be no people about. I felt this despair beginning to rise up within me as human Esme slipped away. If I had been able to cry I know that I would have been sobbing. Yet my eyes remained dry. I walked as quickly as I dared to the edge of the water, sighing as the wave sloshed over my toes and up to my ankles. It was cold, colder than I now was and the feeling that it created was a sense of relief.

I heard hushed footsteps on the edge of the forest but for once, I didn't care. This was the carefree me that had existed before Charles had ever arrived on the scene. I slowly began walking in one direction keeping my gaze down, looking for shells. I had wanted to create my mother a lamp shade out of them when I was younger. Yet we never went to the sea often enough for me to able to collect them. I smiled as I spotted the first one. I bent, slipping my fingers beneath the waves and using the very tips of two fingers to pull it out of the water. I let out a laugh as I placed it on my palm, unbroken. I had done it. I was holding an extremely delicate object in my hands and I had not broken it. The triumph that arose within me was astounding. I spun in a circle, admiring each line within the shell, amazed at the detail such a tiny object could hold. As I came to a stop I looked up to see Carlisle and Edward carefully watching me from the sand. I smiled at them and beckoned Carlisle forward, wanting to share this milestone with him. He slipped his shoes off and waded into the water, sliding his hand under my open one, looking at the prize that I needed to share with him. He smiled, but the look on his face showed me that he did not truly understand why this small shell made me so happy.

"It didn't break Carlisle. For the first time since I have awoken, I preserved this beauty. These hands, these perfect hands kept it in tact when they were made to destroy. Its perfect." I looked into his eyes, pleading that he would understand where I was coming from. He smiled in response and brought my free hand to his lips, kissing it gently.

"Well then, we should find a few more." He wrapped an arm around my waist, gently guiding me forward. We both kept our heads down, stopping to admire the small fish as they swam by or the crab as it hunted for its dinner. When I paused to either watch something or try and pick up another shell, he never rushed me. He simply held onto me, allowing me to know that this was alright. That these tiny moments were real and that all the good had not gone when I had awakened. Instead, I could make sure that goodness prevailed, using the eternity that had been granted to me to do so.

As the moon was beginning to set, Edward was no where to be seen. I smiled as Carlisle slipped the last shell into his shirt pocket which was the only one not bulging from my collection. We walked hand in hand to the edge of the woods where a jar sat open, the lid placed next to it.

 _Edward. Thank you._

Carlisle slipped all of the shells into the jar, being careful to not break a single one. I watched as he gently slipped them into it, one at a time, sliding them down the side so they didn't smash into the bottom. This man amazed me every time I looked at him, every time that he did something like this, that he stayed with me, his newest creation, his child, and loved what I loved. He now looked at the shells as something precious, just like I did. Carlisle was a man like no other and I knew that he loved with everything that was within him.

He cradled the jar in one arm, offering his free hand to me. I took it, smiling as I slipped my smaller hand into his. I smiled again as his large, yet slender fingers, wrapped around mine. Our temperatures where the same and yet he was a little warmer then I was, a warmth that perhaps came from within him, from his heart. As we began to run back home, trying to make sure that we stayed away from the sun. As Carlisle slowed, I slipped behind me, needing something between me and the reality that I would once again be facing. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, placing all of my trust within Carlisle's hands.

"Open your eyes Esme." Carlisle's voice was soft and I knew that he was whispering, trying not to startle me. I took one more breath and opened my eyes, gasping at the scene before me. A two story simply Victorian home stood before me. It had a wrap around veranda and a swing for two. I smiled as I spotted the hummingbirds that were carved into the swing. They were my favorite and Edward must have told Carlisle at one point. There were two rose bushes and a beautiful Lilac plant framing the front of the house. Towards the back was a small shed that had been recently turned into a gardening shed and I laughed out loud at the dream that stood in front of me. My dream was sitting right in front of me.

…

 **CharlesPOV**

I stared at the two tombstones next to each other in this small town's graveyard. It was placed behind the small town Church that had to be at least three or four hundred year's old. Most of the tombstones in this area where old, covered in moss with the writing fading away. Except the two that stood directly in front of me. Thomas Carlisle Cullen. Where on earth had she come up with that awful middle and last name?! I spat on the child's grave, angered that Esme had dared to give MY child another man's last name. Another man's last name. That cheating bitch! She must have slept with someone when I was not home or around. She had given birth to another man's child. I glared at the grave as my anger grew Next to it was Esme's grave but I knew that it wasn't right. I had been bringing her photo around and someone swore that he had seen her in a car with two other men, leaving town. I would find that two timing whore if it was the last thing I ever did. I would beat her for daring to sleep with another man, most likely in our home!

I walked away from the graveyard and back to my car, slamming the door after me. I looked over onto the seat next to me and smiled, pleased that I had been able to convince her family that someone had taken her while she was vulnerable. I told that them that she had made a friend, a pen pal while I had been at war. Another young wife who was able to give my Esme the outlet and something to take her mind off the fact that I was fighting. When I had come back, she received a letter that her friend was having a difficult time adjusting to life as both a new mother and a widow. So with my blessing, Esme had packed a bag and gone off to be with this woman. Yet she never arrived. At least, that's what her parents believed. They were like butter on a hot day, so malleable and easy to make believe whatever lies fell off my tongue. I would find Esme, punish her for daring to have sex with another man and then leaving me. I would make her submit to me and then bring her home, raising a story that I had found her and saved her but she would need time to heal from all she had been through. She would never see anyone. Ever. Again.


	13. Love and Honor

Two Weeks Later

I had settled into this new home easily, pleased that it was everything I had ever dreamed of. Today, or rather tonight, was Carlisle's first night at work and I was finding that I was rather anxious about him being away for the entire night. Edward had enrolled at the local high school after discussing with Carlisle the best way for me to not be alone while I was still considered a new born. I knew that the first year would be the hardest for me and I had made up my mind to accept life as it now is. Carlisle had purchased a brand new sewing machine and had given me the back porch, which was all sealed in by huge windows, as my sewing room. Our first week here he had surprised me with a body shape that I could use to make my own clothing. I laughed as he set it up, his dexterous hands struggling with the small bolts and screws. He had eventually broken down and gotten a tool set, which had become mine.

Over the course of the last week, we discovered several things wrong with the house that I had taken the time to fix. From a creaky stair to a broken hinge on the upstairs bathroom door. Edward had been spending his evenings tuning the piano that Carlisle had delivered. He was at his happiest around that object and I began to worry about him, finding that there was a sense of deep sadness within Edward. I would watch him writing out his papers or doing homework and his face would fall, his eyes seeming to fade into deep distance. I knew that it was hard for him seeing Carlisle love and devote his time to another, especially a woman who he loved. Perhaps Edward was yearning for a love of his own.

Edward would arrive home from school in another hour and I was working on a new suit for him. I had started the pants yesterday, enjoying the time that it took to force myself to do the tasks slowly rather than at vampire speed. I had been doing the laundry on Sunday and had found that his suit was falling apart at the seems. His ties were even outdated and the patterns were fading. I had laughed upon finding them, tearing them apart for rags at another time. In the mean time, I had to replace the suit before Edward had even noticed, not that I thought he would.

"Esme?" I heard Carlisle's voice floated down the hallway, a hint of caution in his voice. I immediately sat a little straighter, listening for something that could potentially cause us harm.

"Yes darling?" I slipped the pins from my mouth back into the sleeve before sliding the seat back.

"I'm on the front porch, there is a blind fold on the hall table. Put it on." I felt my nose wrinkle at the idea of covering my eyes but Carlisle had asked. I closed the porch door behind me, picking the simple blue silk tie off the table, lifting it to my eyes and tying it around my head. The silk felt strange but Carlisle's scent filled my sinus's and I smiled, feeling at home even with one of my senses gone. "Now come here sweetie."

I snarled playfully encouraging a laugh from Carlisle. I had this house memorized and knew exactly where each object sat. I was amazed at the abilities that my new body still had to show me even after all this time. Within moments I felt two arms wrap around me from behind and Carlisle take a deep breath.

"Oh Esme, your scent is one that I have never forgotten." He kissed my head before slipping away, leaving me alone, wondering what on earth was going on.

"Remove the blind fold." I slipped the silk from my eyes and gasped at the scene before me. There were candles all over the deck, flickering in the light afternoon breeze. There were two beautiful bouquets of white and pink lilies on each side of Carlisle who was on one knee. I brought my hands to my mouth as I realized what was going on.

"I remember the first day that I met you, when you came to the emergency room with a broken leg because you were trying to save a bird. Your energy and heart lit up the room and you gave with everything that you were. I knew that you would grow into a kind hearted and beautiful young woman who would make some man very lucky some day. Yet that was not how things turned out. Instead I found you in a body bag, written off for dead. I was shocked, angered and pained to see such a light snuffed out. Yet there you were, clinging to life with every fiber that you had, not willing to die. I knew, in that moment that I could not let you die." Carlisle, paused, cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "So I gave you another chance and you have proven to me that you have so much to offer. I never dreamed that I would fall in love with you but from the moment you opened your eyes I have felt this sense of protectiveness and this need to be near you as much as I could. Esme, you have become my world and I want to give you everything that the world has to offer. I want to spend every day with you by my side, as my equal and my partner. Esme, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" He opened a small box, showing me a beautiful yet simply diamond ring, a single diamond set in a white gold band with two topaz gems on each side. I laughed at the color, as it matched Carlisle's eye color perfectly. I then looked at his face, into his eyes and saw nothing but love. I knew that this was the man that I was meant to love for eternity, that he would never lay a hand on me accept in love.

"Carlisle, yes, I would be honored to marry you." He slipped the ring on my finger and pulled me into his arms at the same time. We spun around, simply looking into each other's eyes before I leaned forward and we shared our first kiss. His lips were perfect and soft. He hesitated but once I continued he knew that I was ready. When we finally broke apart, I was filled with joy.

"Does Edward know?" I looked down and admired the ring once again, amazed that this had been given to me. I had long since thrown away the plain yellow-gold band that Charles had purchased when he decided to claim me as his. This was a gift, carefully chosen and crafted to Carlisle's idea. It was the most beautiful thing that I had ever had the honor of being gifted.

"I made sure that he was okay with it before I even began to plan Esme. He is my son and my best friend. I needed him to be okay with this. He gave us his blessing." Carlisle smiled as he spoke of his son, soon to be our son. I was amazed that I had gone from being alone to having a fiancé and a son.

…

Edward had surprised me by bringing home several wedding magazines with patterns for a dress. He was not one hundred percent sure that I would say yes but he wanted to be sure that I had everything available to plan my wedding. I was sitting in the sun room, listening to Edward practice on the piano while I flipped through the magazines. The dresses were stunning but there was no way that I would be ready anytime soon to be able to shop for my dress. No, I would have to make it myself. I began flipping through till I found a list of materials that dresses were normally made of. I would have to pick one and have Edward or Carlisle pick it up. Oh!

"Edward?" He stopped playing, his fingers hovering over the keys, waiting for me to say something. I smiled at his attention, amazed that this seventeen-year-old could deal with me so well.

"Not seventeen anymore Esme." He smirked as he spun around to face me. "Find something you like?" I grabbed the pillow that was next to me and threw it at his head. He caught it and settled it into his lap.

"Not yet but something occurred to me. Who can do the ceremony?" Edward's brows wrinkled as he began to think, caught of guard by this idea.

"Carlisle and I never thought of that when we discussed the idea of a wedding. I'm, I am honestly not sure." I saw his face fall.

"No Edward!" I knelt in front of him and placed two of my fingers under his chin. "You, you can marry us. I am positive that Carlisle will not mind, in fact he will most likely be pleased! What do you say?" I waited patiently for his response as he realized what I was asking.

"I would love to."

…

The next hurtle that I came across, was getting the right material once I had chosen. I knew that I could not ask Carlisle, as I wanted every aspect of the dress to be a surprise yet I was not sure that I could trust Edward to get the right thing. The shoes I had already ordered over the phone and had calmly told Carlisle that if he dared open the box when they arrived I would kindly dismantle him. He had simply laughed making me slap him on the shoulder so that he would know that I was serious.

Keeping Carlisle away from my sewing room was harder then I imagined. When he was at home with me he wanted to spend the time talking, getting to know me. I knew that he was simply trying to keep my mind off of my thirst but it was not a problem currently. Edward had been keeping me well fed at night, when there were no people around and not a chance for me to have a mishap. I was now making it a week at a time with no problems and was beginning to feel myself calming down. I was no longer jittery or antsy everyday, finding it easier to keep my mind on my current task or learning something new. Today I was working on my necklace for the wedding, which was going to be made out of the shells that Carlisle had helped me gather. I was also planning on decorating the shoes with the shells as well, once they arrived.

I found that I was rather frustrated by the tools as they were so small and the clips were so tiny! I know I have delicate hands but when I wasn't used to doing something I found it rather difficult to pick up these new tasks. I had sadly broken at least eight shells at this point but didn't care. This necklace would be beautiful, regardless of how long it took me. I settled into my task, taking my time even though I wanted to move at the fastest speed that I could but was fully aware that taking it slower was the best option that I had.

…

I stood in front of the mirror, making sure that my hair was staying in place. The curls were always perfect but I was nervous. Today I was getting married for the second time, this time to a man that I loved and who loved me in return. Today was about me, today was the start of a new marriage, a marriage that would be filled with love. I placed my hands on my hips, admiring how the dress fell on my figure. The dress was simple, a plain white organza that I had been working on for the last month. It was an off the shoulder design that ended halfway between my knee and my foot. I had added a lace trim that was a pale blue around the top and the bottom to add some color. My shoes were the same hue as the trim and I had woven a blue flower through my hair. I took a deep breath and smiled, I was ready.

Edward had taken the liberty of decorating the house for today. He had made me promise that I would not peek at anything he was doing. Once I was ready, I was to wait for him to knock on the door. I took another breath and reached for my bouquet. I took a small smell of the flowers but found my nose wrinkling at the scent. Things that I used to enjoy were not the same anymore. I laughed at the thought of cooking and the smells that it must create. I took one more glance in the mirror before walking away, afraid that I would loose myself in the obsession to be perfect. I grabbed the small box that I had placed on my side table over three months ago and opened the lid. Inside sat the necklace that had taken me over two weeks to create. Yet it was stunning. The silver links attached six shells together in perfection with a small silver chain being the rest. It was simply but held so much significance for both of us and it was perfect for this day. I slipped the necklace around my neck and carefully did up the clasp. I was now over six months old and found that everyday was getting easier. I felt that I fit in here and that perhaps this was what I had been meant to be my entire life.

A small knock at the door brought me out of my thoughts. I quickly went over and opened the door, feeling the butterflies for the first time since Carlisle had proposed. This was finally it; I was going to become the wife to the man of my dreams. I opened the door to Edward, smiling at my son.

"Ready Esme?" A soft tune came up from downstairs, playing on the record player as Edward offered me his arm.

"Ready as I will ever be." I smiled softly as I slipped my arm through his, preparing myself to walk down the isle for a second time. The difference? This man loved me in every way shape and form, he loved the broken pieces, the ugly pieces and the parts that made me, me. Today was about us and our love for each other. The future was full of possibilities for the first time in my life.

The banner along the stairs had been decorated with flowers, Edward had gotten fake ones and slowly wound them through each railing creating a pathway for me to follow. Upon reaching the bottom step, I could see Carlisle standing under and arch way in the middle of the living room. He and Edward had moved all the furniture out to fit in the archway and a small table. On the table sat a marriage certificate with a quill and ink beside it, the most Carlisle idea within the entire room. The arch appeared to be built by hand, with the same flowers that were in my bouquet wrapped around it. It was simply stunning and exactly what I had planned.

"Edward..." He raised a hand to my lips and shook his head. He simply smiled at me and walked me over to Carlisle, slipping my arm from his and placing my hand in Carlisle's waiting palm. I looked into his face and saw nothing but pure joy looking back at me. His golden eyes even seemed to sparkle as he stared into my eyes. My eyes. He adored me for who I was. I slipped my other hand into his and we both turned to face Edward, who now stood completely under the archway.

"Carlisle, Esme, today we have come together today to allow you to express eternal love for each other. While I am over seeing this, Esme had asked to speak rather then following vows that someone else wrote." I take a deep breath, gathering my courage to tell this amazing man what has been sitting on my heart since he proposed.

"The day that you found me, was what I believed to be the worst possible day of my life. I had been doing wonderful in the town where I had carried my child through my entire pregnancy but Charles refused to give up and he found me. I fled for the second time in my life and made it safely away. Yet my trials were not to be over. I gave birth to my son only to loose him shortly after and I knew, rather I believed, that I had no reason to go on. Why should I stay alive when there was nothing for me to go back to? So I jumped. Of all the hospitals in the world, I ended up at the one where you were working. I cannot believe that it was simply a coincidence. Rather I have to say that it was fate, guiding us together. I am aware that I have not been the brightest person during my first few months in this life. Yet I know that with your love and guidance that I can finally blossom into my full potential and be able to love you the way that you deserve. As vampires, there is no sickness or health but there will be trails. Whether it be the trails of learning to live and love or be the trials brought on by our kind I will stand beside you. I, Esme, promise to love you and remain faithful to you until the day that I am no longer capable." I smiled as I watched Carlisle eyes, his patience and pride beaming through as I declared my eternal love for him. He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it, breathing in my scent before straightening up once again.

"I have lived for over three hundred years and I had almost given up that this day would come. Yet here you stand before me, the most amazing woman that I have ever had the honor of meeting and getting to know. The day that was the worst for you, was the day that I finally fulfilled my hearts desire and created another, someone to be my mate not just a companion. Today we become husband and wife, equals in all things." I swallowed hard as Carlisle declared his love for me and gave me the final reassurance that he would never give me a reason to fear him. Edward cleared his throat and reached into his pocket, producing a ring box.

"Esme, I know that today is about you and my father but he agreed that I needed to be included in this as well." He opened the box and placed the ring in Carlisle's hand before looking back at me.

"With this ring, I thee wed." Carlisle slipped the ring onto my finger but there was nothing special about it.

"This was my fathers wedding band. I know that it rightfully should be going to Carlisle, yet we agreed that you should have something from me. I am giving you this band as a reminder that now and forever you shall be my mother." Edward gave me a quick hug, shook Carlisle's hand and then left the room. I felt my chest tighten at the realization that Edward had just accepted me into this family and would love me as a mother from this point forward. I turned to Carlisle and kissed him, sealing our wedding vows.

"Now, my wife, I have one more gift for you. I know that it may seem like a lot but know that my love for you simply cannot be expressed." He grabbed the envelope off the table and held it out to me. I hesitated, wondering what else this man had in store. He nodded in encouragement and I took it shaking my head. I slipped the thin paper open, pulling out the sheet that lay within. I opened it and felt everything come to a crawl. "Well?" I heard the fear in his voice and I squealed, throwing my arms around his neck. I kissed him passionately before rushing upstairs to pack.

My husband had bought me an island.

 **Hello Readers!**

 **Please let me know what you think of this story! I honestly adore Esme and can only hope that I did justice to her with this story! I am considering two options for my next fanfiction, which will be the next in live chronologically. I was thinking of either writing about the time that Edward leaves Carlisle and Esme or writing Rosalie's story! Let me know which you would like to read next!**


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